miles to go

The Name Game

2012-01-20T23:06:00.000-08:00

Taking a break from our holidays...I wanted to solicit some thoughts on naming of items. In high school, I learned that some people name their cars. I always thought this was odd since my family never named anything mechanical and so I didn't really think about it. But since being married to Tim, whimsy and fun seems the norm and so I named his little house the Bergon Bungalow. When we bought our Chevy, I started calling it "Chuck" the truck to distinguish it from Tim's little pick-up (which is unnamed). So, I'm hoping to find a suitable name for our rental and was wondering if your home has a name, how it came to have a name and suggestions on finding a name--all for fun. If you've never considered naming your home, don't worry...it's definitely a UK thing to do.
Love, Lauren

"The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names"-Chinese proverb

The Holidays 2011: SMPFFA Children's Christmas Party

2012-01-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

The day after we got back from Kim's, Tim took the girls to church and I stayed at home to wrap up the loose ends on the San Marco Professional Firefighters Association's Children's Christmas Party. (seriously?) Every year, the San Marcos Kiwana's club puts on a street parade with Santa riding the fire engine to cap it off and then Santa enjoys handing out gifts to the firefighter's children at station 1. Tim and I volunteered to organize the whole thing this year. Yeah. It was fun, and we had A LOT of help from some wonderful friends. Kristin B. ran a craft table that was amazing. Nikki V. made all the sugar cookies. Lauren H. and Erin A. helped run the tables and Kaitlin F.was also a wing girl, even though she was sick. A huge thanks to Amy F. for holding Gracie almost the entire day. They were a huge blessing to me and Tim as we were running like crazy trying to pull the food, decor, Santa, gifts and more together. Now that we've done it once, we'll probably have some great ideas for next year.

The kids wait for Santa to call their name and give them a gift out of his bag:

Madeleine's first memorable "Santa" experience. We don't really do Santa at our house (though she knows who he is), so the thought of sitting on this strange man's lap was...strange. She basically deferred in every sense of the word:

group shot:

G money making some waves in the bouncy house:

and Madeleine loved it too:

Love, Lauren

Holidays 2011: Kim & the kids

2012-01-14T15:07:00.000-08:00

During the first week of December, we made a trip out to Arizona to visit Kim & her 4 kids. We wanted to see their Christmas musical performance at school and David's basketball game and just generally let them know we love them.

We had to stop in Cabazon to show the girls the dinos.

everybody say "Rawr!"

On the way out, we made some stops to just let girls out and break up the drive:

When we arrived, we went straight to David's game just in time to see his team win!

That night, we had a chance to visit with Kim and we three tried to stay awake, but it was a long day and Tim was done from driving, but still a nice night.

The next day, the kids had school and Kim had to work, so we hung out at the house.

Who doesn't sit on the counter -top and eat Apple Straws when the kids are at school and Auntie Kim's at work?:

That night was the school performance; by this time, Gary & Cindy (Tim' parents) had joined us from California and we all went to see the kids play. Later that night, I actually watched The Christmas Story for the first time.

Madeleine does moose-face:

Grammi & Papa with six of their 8 grandkids:

The next morning, Kim made a fabulous breakfast. Madeleine was covered with animals by her cousin and all the kids got to hang out and play. Matthew and Hannah went with me and Madeleine to the park while Tim, David, Daniel and Gary strung lights on the house and did some needed home maintenance.

Look at that spread! Oh yum-french toast. Thanks Kim!

We love you Kim, David, Daniel, Hannah & Matthew. We look forward to seeing you soon in 2012 (which happens to actually include Hannah's leap year b-day!)
Love, Auntie Lauren

Holidays 2011: Happy Birthday Lauren

2012-01-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

I turned 31 the day after Thanksgiving this year. It was definitely low-key for us and still fun because I was with the people I adore. The previous Monday I had rallied the girls and taken them to my friend Sarah Seto's house for a Thanksgiving play date. Right after I left, I could barely make it home because I was feeling sick. I called my mom over and once I was home, went right to bed. I was freezing, freezing, freezing. I was thinking I might be pregnant, so I didn't take any medication and broke my fever in about 6 hours. Tim had taken an overtime that day and his relief at the station was late, so he came home around 6:30 to relieve my mom. Then, he got sick the next few days. Unfortunately, his was a different bug causing vomiting. Thank the Lord our kids were spared, but this was the first time I have been sick with kids and it is not fun at all. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep forever, but that is not even possible with little ones. Anyways, we were all still recovering on Thanksgiving and the next day...my birthday. Tim gave me a new point and click camera and a lovely candle. My parents gifted me a new ipod, but because of the awesome Apple replacement program, I got a new one from Apple for free (in return for my 1st gen. nano) and returned my parents. I was able to go out to lunch with my two grandmothers, my mom and my brother's girlfriend Leigh which was delightful and more than a gift to me. All in all, a wonderful few days celebrating birth- and who doesn't want to celebrate birth? It's wonderful!

One of the first pics on my birthday-trying the camera out:

The day after my birthday, Tim took Madeleine to the park so I could nap when G went down for her nap. He took my new camera and captured some sweet pics of our little 2.5 year old. She is growing up so fast, I am loving this age:

"leaf-head"

I love this little lady:

Love, Lauren

Holidays 2011: JTNP 4th Anniversary

2012-01-12T15:57:00.000-08:00

We went to Joshua Tree for our 4th anniversary. I (finally) okayed a TWO day trip instead of just an overnight and Tim got right to planning. The goal: "to get bored". We had no schedule, no plans, just packed some rock-climbing stuff in case we got the urge and books if we wanted. Tim booked Coyote's Rest a few miles outside the park and it was perfect for just two people to lounge around. On the drive out we hit Hadley's in Cabazon for some snacks and enjoyed a coffee and talking without being interrupted! We checked into Coyote's Rest, hit up a redbox, had dinner at Crossroad's Cafe (which was much better 5 years ago before new ownership) and generally stayed in bed for movies and books and warmth (it was drizzling and cool)the rest of the night. The next morning, we just lounged in bed until almost noon- what a treat! We decided to casually meander into the park and maybe do some climbing:

Boulder pad ready:

Just enjoying stretching:

this rock looks like a lion to me:

lots of jumping shots as we left the park:

Joshua Tree saloon, where we had a few beers and sang karaoke (I did, at least):

On our way home we stopped off at the windmill things in the pass:

and we also got a few treats for the girls at the Cabazon Dinosaurs:

We had a great time, and although we never got bored, we did get some needed r & r

Thanks to both sets of grandparents who shared the childtending duties- we appreciate it.

Love, Lauren (&Tim)

Welcome 2012

2012-01-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
Every year I make resolutions, and I really have no intention of working on them...I think I love the idea of a resolution, to actually have the resolve to be resolute in my pursuit of attaining a goal...but I never really do. So, for the sake of my tradition, here are a few (and maybe I will actually work on these throughout this year):

1. ~~Lose 20 lbs.~~ Yay! This resolution has been on my list every year I made resolutions (sometimes I don't) and I don't actually need to lose that much. Weight is a number, and like many numbers (like your SAT scores or your credit score) it doesn't reflect the big picture. So, yes. If truth be told, I would like to lose 14 lbs. but more than that, I would like to start exercising again, following Weight Watchers faithfully and being fit and healthy for myself and family. Most years, I try to stave off the holiday weight gain, but for some reason, I've been way too okay with letting it all go in 2011. I enjoyed so many cold beers, mixed drinks, cookies and sugary treats that I am pretty much back up to my pre-pregnancy weight with both girls. It's in my healthy weight range and it's still my Lifetime maintenance weight at WW, but it doesn't feel right. I have also completely stopped exercising. I think it's the season of stress related to two little ones, but I know I need to do it just for the stress relief. So, I'd like to post this for those of you in the same boat:

If you lost one pound a week for the next year:
By Valentine's Day- 7 pounds lighter
By St. Patrick's Day- 11 pounds lighter
By Easter- 16 pounds lighter
By Memorial Day- 23 pounds lighter
By Flag Day- 25 pounds lighter
By Independence Day- 27 pounds lighter
By Labor Day- 36 pounds lighter
By Columbus Day- 41 pounds lighter
By Halloween- 44 pounds lighter
By Thanksgiving- 47 pounds lighter
By Christmas Eve- 51 pounds lighter
By New Year's Eve- 52 pounds lighter!

So, if I lost a pound a week until Tim's birthday I'd be 15 lbs lighter! What a treat for the both of us. Losing a pound a week can be really tough though! And, I'm already a week behind. I'm also struggling with the thought that my body just won't lose that much. Since college, I haven't been my same standard 150. It seems like my set point in 160. Can I really get down to 145?! More than the weight, I want to feel better. My back is killing me (or rather, my kids are killing my back). I'm ready for baby #3, but I'd like to be a little lighter before that begins (if I can help it- who knows when it might happen!). So, if you're thinking what I've been thinking, will you reply a little note of encouragement. I've always done better when people are watching and I'm ready to lose some weight and muscle up for my health.

2. Be a better neighbor. I didn't really think about this one until I was over at Jaime's house and was telling her about our upcoming move. Our escrow closes at the end of the month, and it seems like we've almost secured a rental (hopefully). Tim and I are packing, and I've already pulled the pictures off the wall- I mean business about being ready to go! One thing I am looking forward to doing is being a better neighbor. Our street is super quiet, with a lot of previous drama that led to some tension amongst homes, so we tried our best to just be nice to everyone, but when people are different (or they smoke or have dogs that pee on your yard) it's just difficult sometimes. So, I want to make some efforts to be a blessing to our new neighbors. Cookies, parties, visits, whatever...I want to be available, open and loving...not for my own sake (cause I naturally dislike most people) but because Jesus naturally loves all people and wants me to be like him (and I wanna be like him too). Oh, and if you wanne be like Jesus and help a mother out...we're moving the first week of February and we're going to need some manly arms; if you have manly arms...mark the date.

3. Be on time. Ugh; most people know that I am an A-type; I claim it is in my blood (and it is, I'm an A...actually A+ if you can believe it). Oh, and I prefer Analytical to Anal, for even stating that I'm an A-type makes me crinkle my nose at myself knowing that it would serve my public relations if I could just relax about things and be "organic". However, there is one way that I am a little too lax and that's in getting to places on time. I think it's because I'm trying to cram too many items into my agenda and totally misjudge my available time. And now that I have kids, I'm still adjusting to the whole "things take 5 hours longer than you think they will" mentality. So, I want to be on time. Not sure how that works, but it'd be good (and it would save me some money in library fines to get my books to be on time too).

4. Learn to play the frickin' guitar. My brother gave me one 5 years ago for Christmas, Tim gave me a book on learning to play 2 years ago. If you asked me what is the one thing I want to do to vastly improve my life, it would be this. So why is it not happening? Maybe I don't really want to- actions speak louder than words...or maybe something else, but I just want it...I want to be able to sing with the support of music. I say it every year, but maybe this year it will magically happen and I will be so thankful.

5. Practice gratitude. I'm a critic, ok, I know. I've been reading this blog and I'm hoping to get this book. But, I want to start seeing everything as a gift, because it truly is! Every sunset, every breath, every meal, every tear, every trial, a new nailpolish, a gingerbread latte, clean water, and oh thank you God, my sweet girls and their adoring (and adorable) father...it's all a gift that my Father, my Daddy in heaven, on His throne said: You, Lauren Michelle, are MY BELOVED DAUGHTER and I have beautiful things to give you- not because you deserve them, but because I am Loving and Good and True and Beautiful- because you are Beloved by ME.

Love, Lauren

Family Camping (Oct. 6-13)

2011-11-25T11:58:00.001-08:00

Tim and I had originally planned to go to Yosemite with our girls and my parents for a little camping trip in our friend's trailer; however, that was the week they were expecting a huge storm and very low temps, so we decided to make it a little easier on our girls (and us) by going to a campground in Bishop called Brown's Mill Pond.

I think the pictures do the talking best:

The first day we drove the entire way to the Sierras and needed a place to camp, so we pulled off onto BLM land and just set up, after a cold night, we were greeted by the warming sun and this sublime view:

Earlier in the day, I captured the shadow of our rig driving down the desert highway:

waking up freezing the first morning, but in good spirits:

The mill pond campground had lots of ammenities including tennis courts, horseshoes, a playground and a creek, not to mention the full RV hook-ups! My mom reads while my Dad and I play Backgammon; my parent's dog Rainey came too.

He builds a pretty good fire, considering his job is to put them out:

We brought some plastic boats for Madeleine to float in the creek and she really enjoyed launching them from one bridge where Dada was and then having me catch them farther down the creek on another bridge:

We spent quite a bit of time at the pond feeding ducks. It was amazing; I would get caught up in just being at a duck pond like any other time and then I would look up and see the mountains all around us and it would astonish me.

We took a few day trips which included Lake Sabrina:

G-money loved spending time with Nani:

Say "Cheese!"

Madeleine looks at the "Dada noman, Mama noman and baby noman":

Tim likes to dabble in photography and some of his favorite shots include jumping, throwing or action of any kind. Guess who gets to be his subject? After about 100 head snowballs, I think these next few about sum it up:

And, monkey see, monkey do:

On a different day, we went up to Mammoth, I don't remember ever going, so it was nice to see it and have the cultural reference point. We visited some snow for the girls on the outskirts of town:

Hiked up a snowy hill to the top of a vista and took a few pics. Notice the big sister/ little sister interaction...more "monkey see, monkey do":

So thankfully blessed my parents are part of my life and my daughters' lives:

One morning, Popi introduced Madeleine to the wonderful world of fishing:

She got pretty good:

G-money plays on a playground:

My parents left a day before we did. Tim wanted to try and capture the still-changing Fall colors, so we headed back up to Lake Sabrina, enjoyed a grilled cheese as a family in the general store and then drove out to some more lakes in the mountains:

Our home was courtesy of Tim's captain and we really appreciate it! I definitely see an RV in our future:

On our last day of the trip, we stopped by the Manzanar Historic Site in Owens Valley. I had read Farewell to Manzanar while teaching 9th grade; Tim and I started dreaming about all the wonderful options homeschooling will open up. Can you hear month-long Lewis and Clark expedition trail? When the girls are older, experiential learning is going to be great when it comes to roadtrips. They have recently remodeled the old community hangar into a walk-through exhibit and are still working on building the barracks. Should be good to revisit in a few years and see the progress:

Lunch in the parking lot of the Relocation Camp:

Another rest stop on the drive home, this time for yogurt and a few "baby stretches":

Sweet loves of my life:

Love, Lauren

Girlfriends

2011-11-20T23:04:00.001-08:00

Two days after we listed our house, I had a chance to spend some time with my wonderful girlfriends. My three book club friends and playdate chums met with me at Painted Earth to do a collective piece in honor of a birthday and personal celebration. We chose a large, square platter and decided to section it off according to seasons. We each chose the season of our birth (well, Jaime took summer, even though her birthday's in June). We worked for a few hours chatting over coffee, and munching personalized cupcake treats that Sarah brought from Truly Madly Sweetly Cupcakes. At the end of the night (and the close of the store) we signed our names on the back and left it for glazing. We determined that each of us would have it for 3 months of the year and then bring it to another friend with a gift or food or surprise on the plate to be displayed in their home for the next three months until they passed it on to another. Such a special time and such wonderful, special friends that I have!

The next day, my mom and I were off to San Diego for Vanessa's bridal shower. I was told "cocktail attire", and that's what I did.
There are some ladies with whom I have been friends for over 20+ years. When we all went off to college, our moms would get together to pray for us and send us care packages. They've done more together than we have lately!!
I just call them "the moms".
Diane (and daughters Laura and Jeanette didn't make it), my mom, me, Belinda and daughter Vanessa, Meredith and her mom Jan (though other daughter Eliza was in CO) and Rilla (daughter Kate was at another event too.)

Me, the bride-to-be, and my best childhood friend, Meredith- still friends after 23 years:

The moms!

Happy bridal shower Vaness.
Love, Lauren

Chantilly Circle Home Tour

2011-11-20T22:49:00.001-08:00

I think most people know we'll be moving out of our current house sometime in late January or early February if all goes as we've planned. I'm pretty excited. It's been a tough 4 years for me; the Lord has worked heavily on my heart. When I first moved in with Tim, after we married, it was no secret that I wasn't really in love with his house. I wasn't very grateful for what I had. I really had to submit to God in learning to at least be quiet about what I was feeling. But, it moved beyond that into trying to make the most of the space I had and be thankful. It isn't easy at times to remember that this is where the Lord has me, but I hope I've grown. I've had to increase the fight in last two weeks because, as I anticipate moving, I'm finding those old feelings of bitterness about this house creeping back into my heart. I'm seeing my frustration with the house ooze into my day to day as I live and move within the walls. I hope that I can leave this house more like Christ because of it, and I do have some treasured memories here...anyways, here's the home tour, just in case you've never been to my little house:

Girls' nursery:

our master bedroom:

master bath:

kitchen from the hallway:

looking into the kitchen from the front door:

more kitchen

guest bath:

hallway looking toward kitchen with guest bath on left:

cute girls on our bed:

in their first home:

Even though Madeleine was born in this home, I am looking forward to buying a home with Tim, one that we both love and both own. And one with a walk-in closet :)

Love, Lauren

SHA: Week 2 "B"

2011-11-20T22:40:00.001-08:00

For the second week of school we did a few activities that focused on the letter "B"

Madeleine helped me bake some bread. Every time I go to the store I buy 5lbs of whole wheat flour. Then I come home, put it away and forget about it. WE have close to 20 lbs of ww! So, we put some to good use:

We talked about fractions again and using oil to keep the surface of the bread slippery so we could work with it and not have it stick.

We then let it rise. While the bread was rising, we glued buttons into a big "B".

Finally, we eat the baked bread.

We also went to the library and read books on bears and the Berenstain's Bears "B" book. We made a poster of the eight different species of bears in the world. Madeleine helped pick all the pictures and glue them down; I labeled them for her and Tim quizzed her throughout the week.

Happy Birthday Grace!

2011-11-13T04:09:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, I awoke at 2am to Madeleine screaming in her crib. The sweet girl was crying "Dada!! DADA!! Please, get the kitty cat out of my room!" at the top of her lungs as Lucy was meowing annoyingly fierce at the door. Thankfully, Tim was our hero and helped her get settled into bed. The whole ordeal took about 7 minutes, but the surge of murderous anger I had toward the cats enlivened my nervous system enough to leave me sleepless. After trying to fall back asleep for an hour, I figured I would get out of bed and do something useful. And what could be more useful than celebrating the birth of our little daughter Gracie-goo?

Little Gracie- God knew what a blessed grace you would be in our life when He inspired your name in us. We wanted to honor the Lord's amazing Grace in our lives with your name. True to His loving and kind character, it was us who was blessed beyond our imaginings with you and your wonderful, delightful person. Everyone who has met you knows of your infectious smile, your playful personality and your persistently pleasant temperament and of course, your Dada-endowed dimples!

You've always had a place in our family, and as we waited to meet you, we wondered what it would be like to add another member to this home. But now that you've been here for a year, gently ingraining yourself into our hearts each passing day- you're hidden so deep there that I can't imagine living without you. I love our mornings when you gleefully greet me and snuggle into my neck as we just enjoy the deliciousness of being Mama and baby with a "mmmm-mmmm-mmm".

As you've grown, Dada and I love witnessing the interaction you have with Madeleine and our other extended family. Now you are one! You can wave, smile, point, shriek and giggle. I will always treasure your baby years and the tender memories they hold- singing you to sleep, nuggling, your curious and insightful mind. What an amazing gift you are to us.

And heavenly days...can you get any cuter?

Happy Birthday Gracen! Oh, how I love your little squeezy thighs, your soft, bald head and your baby kisses. God looked down and gave us joy in you. I pray that the Lord captures your heart this year. That as we look forward to everything 2012 will bring (walking! talking! hair!) that we submit to Him, learning to show you, in everything we do, the radical and obscene news of the gospel. That I wouldn't ask you to fulfill the Law, but that I would show you that you will never be able to fulfill it. Instead, I want to give you grace...just as My Heavenly Father gave me Grace. No matter how much I love you, I will never be a good enough parent to save you from your sins. Only God is the Good Parent. And, no matter how wonderful you are (because you are!) you will never be a good enough child. Only Jesus was the Good Child- perfectly obedient in order that he might be the propitiation for our sins. Praise God we can be found in him. I pray that you see grace from me and Dada and we are so grateful you have been sent to be our little Grace, a precious gift from our the Lord.

Love, Mama

Up & Coming

2011-10-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

I have been intending to blog, but we've been so busy that I can't find the time nor the motivation.
There are some big things happening around the Bergon Bungalow:

1. We went on vacation and I read an entire book (Unbroken) in 5 days! That means lots of relaxing and downtime.(post to come)
2. We did pre-school week 2 (B is for Button) (post to come)
3. We took a break to vacation but kept up the theme with C is for Camping...
4. We are working on week 3 (C is for Costume) (post to come)
5. We listed our house for sale, had one offer fall through and are now in a "soft-escrow" with a cash buyer.
6. Due to the upcoming rental situation, we are looking to re-home all of our animals. My neighbor said she might take over our cats (she lives next door and they hang out there anyways) but her husband may not want them. We're hoping the new owners buying our house will want our dogs (they indicated they LOVED them). If you know of anyone who is dying to care for sweet cats or dogs, please let us know. Everyone says that our animals are great and that they are well-behaved (which we agree), but even with their tender spirits, we are just too taxed to give them the love they need.
7. We are also on the look-out for potential rental sites. If you live in the neighborhoods east of Margarita, west of Anza, south of Murrieta Hot Springs and north of De Portola let us know if you see a rental. We still have our boat, so we could really benefit from RV side parking.
8. I need some help as a future-renter. I have never rented long-term in a home (only an apartment for 2 years) and if you have any words of wisdom to pass my way...please let me know!
9. In moving, Tim and I are excited to purge our house of excess STUFF. Look for postings in the future about nicer items (like I think I am going to try and reduce my silverware down and get rid of my Crate & Barrel "Mix" stainless set or a bunch of superfluos camping stuff) and, if you need something randomly (like old leather couches that have been in my sunroom or garden lounge chairs that just need a sand, prime and paint) let me know and I'll see if we have it around.
10. Next month, we've got 7 birthdays-including Gracen November's 1st!- and our 4 year anniversary. Oh, and then there's Thanksgiving and then we're only a month from Christmas and ringing in the New Year...but wait, Halloween first. Oh my, moving early next year now seems a whole world closer!

Love, Lauren

Me: "Where does the time go Madeleine?" MJ: "Maybe to the playground!"

2011-10-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't [her] eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Servant's Heart Academy: Week 1: Sept. 19-23

2011-09-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

When a friend at church sent me a link to a preschool co-op she was starting, my first thought was, "Is Madeleine preschool age?" I wasn't really sure when you might send a child to preschool. Then I started thinking that if I waited until next year, she would be 3.2 years old. I still didn't know if that would be a good age to start, so I just figured...she's able to start now with directed activities and focused play. And, the wonder of homeschooling means that we can start in late September, because I was not ready to tackle preschool any sooner- it just still felt like summer. It was the week when the weather cooled down that I felt the coming on of playful doing.

Roughly, we're doing 26 weeks focusing on a letter. The activities are simple and fun and we do our school Monday through Friday during Grace's nap.

We started with the basic skill of using a glue stick to make an A that also looked like an Alligator.

Thankfully, we started school on the first day of Tim's four day off, so he took pictures, was a super-cheerleader in getting Madeleine excited, and helped do the activities with us.

Here is Madeleine showing Tim her "excited for school" face:

Placing alligator teeth, we talked about shapes (she knows the basics) and counted the teeth (easy-peasy stuff).

Dada read the Berenstein Bears' "A" book while I prepped the next task:

After the book, we made two little people from toliet paper rolls. We made our cousin Abigail and our uncle Alex. She colored them and we talked about what they should wear and why. The next day we started with American flag. We went outside and looked at our flag counting the stripes and asking her to identify the colors. Tim and I led her in the pledge and she repeated the whole thing. In order to make our flag, we had to see which color was on top and how the flags lined up in the field, so we made sure to replicate it as best we could.

I thought I had foil stars somewhere, but I did not, so we put that assignment aside and focused on making a stenciled Ape.

Since the paints were out, we decided to try stamping apples on to a tree, but it didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. Oh well, she still had fun.

The next day, we packed up everyone and headed to Los Rios Ranchos for the Little Seedlings tour. We had a great time tasting apples and hearing all about hybrids and planting and even got a visit from Johnny Appleseed:

We got to roam the animal area for a long time (which my kids LOVE!). Miss Tanya introduced us to a bunny named Oreo, two week old and younger chicks, goats, sheep and a llama. Madeleine has only really done goats and deer and chickens, so the llama and sheep were new.

G-money fell in love with the goats. Should have known since she regularly smothers the cats and dogs at our house.

Madeleine loved Ranger, a sweet billy who loved to be scratched:

After our tasting and animal tour, we had a big picnic lunch on the lawn and then enjoyed some apple cider and apple-raisin bread in the general store. It was a great trip. Thank you to everyone who came and helped make it a success; I appreciate it. The next day was Thursday, and I allowed CBS to be pre-school. I just used the coloring sheet and the bible verse to talk over dinner and ask her how the day went. She's one of the older kids in the class and I'm thankful that she is helpful, polite and loving toward her sister. On Friday, we decided to FINALLY use a gift that I had been saving for just the right time. We had received animal cracker cookie cut-outs and Williams-Sonoma animal cookie dough from my friend at Bird in the Hand. We whipped up some Animal cookies.

First, we combined the ingredients, then we talked about separating the dough in half. We talked about 100% and 50%. Madeleine said that half was for her and half was for Gracie. Then, we had to let the dough chill for 2 hours, so we finished our flag.

Later that afternoon, we rolled out the dough and started cutting the shapes. These cutters are adorable. I don't have a picture of one, but there is a giraffe shape in addition to the elephant, tiger, seal, and lion featured below.

After cutting the cookies out, we had to chill them for another 30 minutes and then bake them for 16. Thankfully, Nani was here to help distract from all the waiting, but I think it is good for her to learn that everything has a process and that process can take time. We can't rush through the steps (though we had a little difficulty with it during our "B" bread baking...more later).
Finally enjoying a cookie:

So, thank you McGaughs for the gift- we really enjoyed it!
Love, Lauren

W3-over it

2011-08-31T14:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm pretty much over doing W3. All my posts were going to be some vitriolic rant about something that bothers me and in the meantime ostracize and alienate people. So, let me just apologize by saying...if you drive a PT Cruiser, you are not lame. Your car is lame...but you are not. There's lots going on over here, but I just don't have the energy (or will) to post about it. I've been in and out of these little funky "down" times. I could hypothesize many components, but ultimately it comes down to being prideful and selfish and discontent. So, we'll see what gets posted from here. Hope you are all doing well.

W3: driving power

2011-08-03T20:29:00.001-07:00

This is a changing weekly post, so I will just tell you that I am thinking about changing the title from Wise, Weird, Whatever to simply Weird. To claim that any of my ideas could be wise seems a little audacious and when I have a post like today's, it doesn't really fall into the titled theme. Therefore, I re-name this W3 to just Weird. It's the idea that in exposing my thoughts to you about this life, you'll feel better about your own weird thoughts because we all have them!

When I grew up and learned to drive, I really enjoyed and still enjoy driving. My parents bought me some excellent driving cars. My first was a little sparkly blue VW bug that was amazing. I reupholstered the interior to a black vinyl and grey velour and that thing was so fun to drive. After the little '70 bug was in a crash, my parents replaced it with a red convertible. Driving around in that car was a blast, I replaced the sound system and the convertible top (due to leaking) and loved being able to let my hair fly-literally. I bought my own car in 2004; it is my 2001 4Runner and I adore this vehicle too. It reflects that outdoorsy, functional SUV type that I morphed into after college. And I suppose that is what is so weird about these thoughts on driving and cars. I think that what you drive says a lot about you. For instance, if you drive a PT Cruiser, you're just lame-those are the silliest cars (except for it's even more class-less cousin, the HHR). I'm sorry, but you just can't come back from buying a Cruiser. If you choose a Toyota or Honda, you're willing put invest in something that is going to hold it's value. Going with a convertible? You've got a little wild streak. If I see you drive by in a Audi you're probably fairly cool. But a red Mercedes just screams LOOK AT MEEEEEE BOYS!!! (Because no man would ever rive a red Mercedes. See a Sion scream by, must be a young, but fairly trendy college kid. Obviously, mini-vans are mom's territory, but if you drive a Sienna or Odyssey, you still crave a little style versus someone who's rollin' in a Voyager or Sedona (sorry sis). Driving a Jeep Wrangler, a Range Rover or an FJ Cruiser that's never seen desert dirt than you might be a poser. Get that thing out on the rocks!!! The point is, I actually assume a lot about a person based on the car they drive. In the past, if I was looking for a cute boy, he was going to be driving a Subaru hatchback. That car just screams pacific northwest wanderlust. So, that is my weirdness...as Tim and I drive around, I am secretly categorizing people by the car they drive. Weird, but true. What do you think, does your choice in car reflect who you are?

August 1-2

2011-08-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

Happy August! Not really my favorite Back-to-School month (I think we'll go back in September when we homeschool-if we even take a break like the public school) and definitely a hotter (and muggier) month in Temecula. After linking through a few blogs (iheartorganizing.com to The Nesting Place to beautyandbedlam.com) I found some motivation to get back into exercise. I lost all Gracen's preggo weight and a little more, getting down to my lowest weight since my wedding around July 4th. But since then it's been pretty stressful for me lately and Minto Oreos have been my solace (which I say to my shame for I know Jesus:Phil 4:6 ) Regardless, it's a little too much mac'n cheese and little too less muscle. After reading this post: http://beautyandbedlam.com/the-30-day-shred/ I decided to cash in my coupon for free eggs at Target and pick up the video (under $10). Now, two days down...I'm feeling good about getting up and actually getting a workout in. There is something about doing my exercise that really makes me feel like whatever else I do that day is just icing on the cake (or dressing on the salad for me). Took measurements yesterday, no pics-might ask Tim to do that tomorrow. Anyways, it's muggy, it's yucky, but I'm committing to sweat it off. Oh, and the selling point: the workouts are 20 minutes long. Yup, no 55+minutes of P90X, I just don't have the time. So, we'll see what Jillian and I can do together this next month.

ps. Also at Target, I found these $1 abridged classics and phonics cards & time telling cards. We got almost all of them. So, homeschooling Mama's- have any of you researched tax credits for school related expenses?

w3: the Mom uniform

2011-07-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

For my first Wise, Weird or Whatever post I want to present: the MOM uniform

Many of you already know that I have a Mom uniform. After Madeleine was born, I wore a lot of Tim's sweatpants or his exercise shorts and looking back on pictures, it looked hideously frumpy. After Gracen, I found that most days, I was still postpartum baby body and I was constantly being touched by sticky hands, spit-up upon, and wanting to be, above all, comfortable. I also didn't want to spend a bunch of money on clothes that would look put together, but were always dirty. Enter the uniform. Because on most days, I am home with my kids and no one else comes over but my mom, I decided to spend some money on date-night/ going out clothes and put a few bucks towards the uniform.

White shirt, black shorts in summer, black pants in winter.

I bought two packages of white v-neck Hanes shirts from Walmart.

I was given a black and white pair of soccer shorts while I coached track, so I bought another pair.

I also used a gift card to purchase two more pairs of my most favorite pants in the world. L.L. Bean's perfect pants!!! They are long, nicely cut, have a touch of stretch and don't fade in the wash. They are amazing date pants- they dress up with a nice blouse. Or they look casual with a jean jacket, but most days they are the work horse around the house as part of the mom uniform with white top.

Why a uniform?

1. I was wearing mostly the same thing every day post-partum anyways.

2. I don't have to think about it (no wasting time trying to make an outfit work).

3. It fits and is comfy! Looks relatively good but the elastic waistband accounts for the 30lbs. swings in weight with a pregnancy and 9 month recovery.

4. I can bleach the bejeezus out of the top if necessary

5. It is cheap and allows me to put monies towards other desires, like books =)

6. Should I go out, I can just throw my hair up, put on some makeup and black flip flops and look athletic (in the summer) or -with a pair of dangly earrings- almost done up in winter. (Dangly earrings and soccer shorts just can't go together!)

So, what do you think? Wise, Weird or Whatever? Would you (Or do you unknowingly) rock a mom uniform?

Love, Lauren

Whimsy & Desires

2011-07-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Now that the letter writing challenge is done, it is time to turn my attention to pressing desires.

1. Madeleine is 25 months, I am stuck in a puzzle/book rut; it is time to start activities that inspire play (which equals learning).

2. My last "monthly" post for the girls covered January, it is time to catch up.

3. While my blog is not managed enough to do a "link-up party" or generate any outstanding traffic, I do want to do a weekly blog focusing on seemingly unorthodox approaches to living. I am thinking of calling it "Weird, Wise or Whatever" and having people weigh in with their opinion. I think it could be fun and of course, it would be on Wednesday.

4. I joined Pinterest and although I have heard of the addictive power, I would like to moderately organize ideas I find on the world wide web.

So, in keeping with these desires. Madeleine and I bought out the paints. I was inspired by my friend who blogs at birdinyourhand. She wrote about adding whimsy to our yards, so this is what I came up with:

Start with a $1 birdhouse from JoAnn's

Add Crayola Washable paint

Set them outside to dry, go to the library, come home, have lunch, then prepare to drill

Drill a hole through the bottom and add a bamboo garden stake

Determine that they need a big, colorful bow on the stake; shoot adorable photo anyway

Ta-da! Whimsy & fun.

Letter #30/30- Your reflection in the mirror

2011-07-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

Helllllllllllllllloooooooooo gorgeous!

...now seriously, go to bed.

Love, Lauren ♥

Letter #29/30- Someone You Want to Tell Everything To, But Are Too Scared

2011-07-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Someone I want to tell everyone to, but I am too scared,

If you knew what I had done before you were born, you might not understand. You might not love me anymore. You might be shocked, outraged, horrified, overcome with disbelief. You might use my mistakes justifying your own, or worse, qualifying foolish pursuits. If you knew what grace was offered me, a poor sinner, then you might want to be a sinner for the sake of forgiveness. If you knew what lies I've told, what betrayal I've committed, what lusts I've fostered, what jealousy I've harbored, what malice I've fueled, what pride I've bolstered, you might not want me for your life's guide. You might believe that all the years I'd poured into you with training and exhorting and disciplining and admonishing and encouraging and loving were just a sham to make you a "good kid", one who never said the wrong thing, at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. You might think, "Well, look what she did. Look what she was. What can she offer? What does she know?" and you would be right.

But for the grace of God...

I don't deserve your love; but, you don't deserve mine. We don't deserve anything besides our depravity (- so what joy we realize in loving the other!) Simply, we are all struggling saints. But it is by the struggle that we know Christ's sanctification.

If you can look at my life, little one, and say, "I would never do that..." then I pray that God would reveal the desperation of your heart. But, if I told you all my secrets and you looked into my eyes and said, "I love you, because God first loved me: the number one sinner."* then I will know that I told you EVERYTHING worth knowing.

Love, Mama

* 1 John 4:19 "We love, because He first loved us." (NASB) & 1 Timothy 1:15 "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." (ESV)

Letter #28/30- Someone that Changed Your Life

2011-07-22T14:34:00.001-07:00

Dear Someone Who Changed My Life,

I love you, I really really do. And, when I think about how much you love me, it makes my eyes sting, that enormously choking lump jumps to my throat and my blood warms up coursing through my veins exceedingly fast. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For choosing me, for always trusting, for always hoping, for always bearing my burdens. Everything I do in response to your love is utterly unworthy. You encourage, I lash out. You reprove, I sulk. You are gracious, I am ungrateful. But, I love you. I just really, really adore you. The most amazing part is that I know, beyond doubts that you will never leave me. You're faithful and true. I love you. I wish there were ways to tell you. I tell myself: find ways that he will know; prove it to him that you deserve all that he gives you, but you make it impossible. You do it all--for which I do not know whether to love or hate you- but it's you who make this life possible. For flowers every day, for sunny days, for refreshing storms, for cleansing fire, for birds and beasts, for beauty, for your creativity, for your justice, for your holiness, for your love. For you are holding all things together for your own glory. I love you, so much. I run to you, I see your love for me when I look at my children. I understood why, but never how you could command your own son to die because of your great love for your true children. I am your beloved daughter in whom you are welled pleased. I am your beloved daughter in whom you are well pleased. I am your beloved daughter in whom you are well pleased. I am, because you loved me.

For the reader's consideration:

"This is a gifted response

Father we cannot come to You by our own merit
We will come in the name of Your son
As He glorifies You
And in the power of Your spirit

We have come to something so mysterious
Too deep for minds to comprehend
Through the open door
Where the angels sing
And the host of heaven are antheming...

And we'll sing the glory of Your name
Celebrate the glories of Your grace
We will worship You, We will worship You
And we'll make Your praise so glorious
Singing songs of everlasting praise
We will worship You, we will worship You" Matt Redman "Gifted Response"

"I will wait for You patiently
Praying from my deepest point of need
Give You everything in return just for You
Satisfy my soul, nothing else will do

Jesus
My heart
your home

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

just to take him at his word

Just to rest upon his promise,

Just to know: thus sayeth the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus, how I love him,

How I've proved him o'er and o'er

Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus

just for grace, to trust him more.

My heart, your home...

I will sing for You all my days
Always quick to give You praise
When I was in sin You saved my soul
No greater love will I ever know

Jesus, You shine like the sun"- Wait "By the Tree"

If you don't know Jesus, he may want to know you. If you think you are a Christian, but are unwilling to give up your fear of man, your fear of self, your old life...then you may not be rescued. Jesus will rescue you from your misgivings, your failures, your pride, your inabilities, your exhaustive struggle to make this life heavenly (though it will never be). Repent, follow Jesus, be filled with the Spirit and obey what He has said in His Word.

Love, Lauren

Letter #27/30- The Friendliest Person You Knew for Only One Day

2011-07-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Friendliest Person I Knew For Only One Day,

As I approached writing this letter, I wracked my brain in deciding the parameters wherein I would actually award friendliest person. I tried to reach back into the recesses of 25 years of awareness reaching for a stand-out kind person from my school, church or gym...but usually they were acquaintances. I would see them more than once. I thought about a girl I met at a Rock Climbing Clinic in 2006. Although she was friendly, she was there alone, and so was I. Of course two girls in a highly male-populated sport would strike up a friendship. We were in a camping situation of our own choosing intent on actually engaging with other people, so that didn't really speak about friendliness in spite of the circumstances. Along with that caveat I now would include all events of my choosing; for instance, conferences, camps, orientations, etc. where I was choosing to place myself along others who were seeking out companionship for some varied reason. I tried to think about people who are instructed to be nice and it didn't really seem to work for cashiers or salesmen or flight attendants. But there is a group of people who, although they are instructed to be nice, are often not. So, thank you sweet Verizon Wireless technical support advisor. I have often called, livid at some particular flub only to be so overwhelmed with kind helpfulness that I am shamed that I could feel so much rage regarding my situation. You diffuses, detangle and de-stress me, I am so thankful for the customer service you maintain. And specifically, thank you one Brian in St. Louis who was so overwhelmingly kind that I felt very guilty for even having an technical difficulties which might interrupt his workday. How ironic is that?

Love, Lauren

Letter #26/30- Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise To

2011-07-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

Skip- never really a fan of pinky promises.

Letter #25/30- The Person Who You Know is Going Through the Worst of Times

2011-07-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Person Going Through the Worst of Times,

I don't know you, but you are my sibling. I haven't really taken the time to acquaint myself with your affliction...it's probably ugly and horrible and if I really knew what was happening, I might have to take action. And I don't want to take action. I want to sit in my pretty little house and play with my pretty little treasures and never, ever, ever have to hear about the agony of your life. I would rather continue paying $4 for a coffee, buying sweatshop-made Christmas lights at Walmart, and bemoaning my pathetic little existence because I don't live in a bigger house that would hold more of my stuff that I need. If I knew you, I might have to hear about the fact that you don't have a Bible to read, and since I just bought a new one (it was only $20 and it's this really pretty pink scrolly covered pink faux leather cutie- and I don't have an ESV; I have NASB, NIV, NKJV, KJV, Interlinear Greek..but not ESV) I might get to feeling really bad. If you told me that we share a faith, but you trust in God as Savior for fear of death...well, that would just really suck for me to have to hear that. So, please don't remind me that your country has aborted over 30 million baby girls, that you can't freely practice serving Jesus or even dare speak his name. Don't tell me about the raids, the torture, the persecution that you face every day because I would just feel yucky and it would make me sad and I would have to take prozac or paxil until I could feel better again. Actually, I would have to take my kids to Coldstone, spend $20 on three ice creams and then worry about my body for several weeks and then go to church with all my friends at a government facility that we rent and ask God to forgive me for my preoccupation with my own personage instead of His. So, let's just all pretend that we're siblings, sharing in everything with nothing bad ever happening, except maybe having to listen to Madeleine's never-ending kids praise music.

Love, Lauren

Letter #24/30- The Person Who Gave You Your Favorite Memory

2011-07-17T21:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Tim,

Remember when we went for a helicopter ride?

Whenever I ask you this, it's as though I have touched the center of the Hoover Dam only to find it explode away and gush forth memory upon memory of our years together. I cannot choose a favorite, for you are my favorite; every moment with you is my favorite!

I remember every summit we have reached together. Not just San Gorgonio, San Jacinto, or Shasta, but those apexes of life that we have looked out from, side by side.

The surprise wedding band, just giggling and smiling our way through our vows. Dancing our choreographed steps on our wedding day, cutting our fabulous splash mountain cake, the pure realization that we were husband and wife and able to enjoy--together-- all that marriage holds.

The day we both labored intensely to deliver Madeleine Jael, to finally see her crying in our arms and the utter delight in birthing our first child in our home. A child who symbolized the deep and soulful desire to express to you my willingness to be melded to you forever in the form of another human being. A beautiful child that only we could create together- is there anything more expressive of pure marital love than the fruitfulness of the home? I thank God that He has given us the ability to bear children and for me to be like a fruitful vine filling our home with wild olives, surrounding us and blooming with flourishing grace. (Psalm 128:3)

Then, the excitement of the second child- to anticipate with experiential understanding the joy and bliss of another baby. That morning when we labored and Gracen November joined our family, it was wonderful. Even the shared knowledge that, unless the Lord plans otherwise, we have even more children on our horizon. That our desire to love the other is a tangible reality in our children. I love our radical attitude towards our offspring, the wild notion that our children, as an extension of our love, are not just a seasonal obligation- but rather a joyful anticipation as God forms our family.

Sea turtles in Champagne Pond, Peppermint Joe Joes, our boat bed, knowing way too many Office quotes, worshipping Christ through communion, dance parties in the kitchen, Great Harvest breakfasts, Cirque De Soleil's The 'O' show, Sedona, Texarkana, Big Sur, San Diego, Fort Worth, Portland, Denver, Utah, Lake Mead, Lake Powell, our home. Anywhere you are is where I want to be.

You are the sweet Love of my Life.

Love, slg

Letter #23/30- The Last Person You Kissed

2011-07-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Last Person I Kissed,

Sleep my child and Peace attend thee,

All through the night.

Guardian angels God will send thee,

All through the night.

Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,

Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,

I my loving vigil keeping,

All through the night.

Good night sweet Madeleine & Gracen.

Letter #22/30- Someone You Want to Give A Second Chance To

2011-07-15T00:40:00.001-07:00

Dear Someone Who Deserves A Second Chance,

Even though you have ridiculously shaped faux-boobs, I know that I shouldn't judge you. Please, forgive me? Somewhere deep under the piles of foundation, eyeshadow, false lashes, glitter eyeliner, bottle-dye, fake tan, flashing skin-tight clothing is a sweet, misguided little girl who gave up decorum for decolletage. They're not the same sweetheart...why don't we grab a coffee and chat?

Love, Lauren

Letter #21/30- Someone You Judged By Their First Impression

2011-07-15T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Someone I Judged By First Impression,

Mercutio said it best when in hot blood he stated, "men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze..." which about sums up my thoughts when I see your enormous tan fake-boobs coming towards me- on the street, in the store, at the beach or at the gym...they are unavoidable. Good job paying to look like a porn star, now don't go acting like no one should gawk and stare.

Love, Lauren

Letter #20/30- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest

2011-07-13T21:42:00.001-07:00

Dear One That Broke My Heart the Hardest,

"And in the stars, it is written;

in the rocks, it is written;

on your heart, on mine..."

...you know I love you, love you, love you." wasil

Love, slg

Letter #19/30- Someone Who Pesters Your Mind- Good or Bad

2011-07-13T21:14:00.001-07:00

Dear Someone Who Pesters My Mind for Good,

You'll know one day, how much I think about you. Maybe you wonder if I really pray for you as often as I say. Maybe you wonder why I haven't texted in a while. But, there will come a day- a happy one, when I see you chasing after your own kids that you will realize that even though we didn't connect as often as we wanted, you pester my mind all the time. There are so many striking similarities between us, it's nice to have a chance to see the Lord working in areas for us, usually at the same time! I think about you because you are like a little sister to me- you were my student, now you are my friend. You come to mind when I wake up, when I lie down and lots of moments in between. I read your thoughts online, I read your texts amidst puzzles and books. I lift you up to God because you pester my mind. I worry for you a little, because I love you. I want to see you happy...So, when you have a lonely day or you find yourself with a little time to spare, come pester me, I don't mind.

Love, Lauren

Letter #18/30- Someone You Wish to Be

2011-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Someone I Wish to Be,

I can't write all that I want to say (I do not have that ability), but I will write this: the only way to know how much your mother loves you is to become a mother yourself. Then you will know why she fretted over your poor decisions, you will know why she never had a disapproving word for the way you looked (even though you were pretty sure you were ugly at the time), you will know why she prays for you earnestly, you will know why she loves being with you and you will know why she will do anything for you. It's because underneath all the exterior of adulthood, she looks at you and still sees that little girl who captured her heart over 30 years ago. She remembers what it was like to hold you close and watch you dance and make wishes and cry over stubbed toes. She never missed a moment, even though you were blissfully unaware that she was watching. She was there when you lost the lead role, when you aced your test and when you didn't understand geometry. She watched all your plays, clapped for all your solos, was diligent to protect you from meanies, and made your interests her own. She sent you packages at the dorm, read your essays, filled your gas tank and advised you against certain boys. She helped you into your wedding dress, was ecstatic when you found out you were pregnant and held your hand as you delivered your babies. She's foundational to who you are, yet an inspiration to who you believe you could be.

I understand now that being Mama to my children is the deepest and most important calling I can hope to rise toward. And I thank you, Mom, for being willing to sacrifice in so many vital ways in order to be what I someday wish to be.

Love, your Lauren

Letter #17/30- Someone From Your Childhood

2011-07-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Someone From My Childhood,

When you were in middle school, you didn't match your socks. I'm not sure if you thought it was funny or you just didn't care, but it was not uncommon for you to come to school with a blue and a hot pink sock on a foot. You didn't clean your room very often, because I would have to wait for you to finish your chores before we could ride our bikes in elementary school. We named our bikes and would pretend they were horses. You would always let me curl your hair and give you a facial, even though I twisted your hair too tight and it didn't turn out very pretty. For over 10 years, I considered you my best friend. I was there the night you dropped the transmission on your parent's CRX in front of Chris' house. We were the only girls to play tackle football with the guys in high school on some Saturday morning at Margarita Middle School field.I remember seeing you at church and watching your eyes light up when you whispered you were pregnant with baby #1. It was after your summer wedding that another bridesmaid and I ate chocolate cake and cried about us all growing up; you wore my veil and it looked so beautiful. We spent most holiday seasons together, baking cookies, singing carols, attending parties and sleeping over. I was very jealous when you went to Calvary Chapel HS and wanted to hang out with Vanessa, I saw our friendship slipping away. You were missed even more when you dated Jeff (though you looked amazing in your blue prom dress). I wanted to be sure you knew that I loved you, so I flew to Chicago to see you graduate from Wheaton. I drove to see you the day you delivered Sophie, Jacob and GK (sorry Adele). I have so many tender times with you that could fill pages. Secrets shared, tears cried, laughter ringing out and tying binds knit over that last 22 years. You'll always be my childhood's best friend- and all the goofy, growing up and figuring out we did together is a sweet memory when I recall our past. Even if we never talked, or saw each other again, there is nothing that could take the special role you played in my life...I love you very much, and I always will.

Love, Lauren

Letter #16/30- Someone Not in Your State

2011-07-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Someone Not in my State,

Just a quick note to remind you, it was such a pleasure to spend time with you this week! I know I've told you before, but I've always wanted a sister, and I am glad God gave you to me through marriage. I'm hopeful for you in your newest venture and I know that God's overwhelming sustenance in your life will buoy you as you return to work and life apart from family support. I pray that you continue to guard your heart, depend on Christ and seek His good and pleasing will. Thank you for sharing your interesting and thoughtful insights; I always enjoy our discussions. I will call you soon to hear how the kids are returning to life at home and to hear if your pool made it through the dust storm. I love you very much and pray for peace in your home. Talk to you soon.

Love, Lauren

Letter #15/30-The person You Miss the Most

2011-07-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Person I Miss the Most,

You left over 4 years ago and all it takes is "Wicked Game" or "Pitselah" or "Color Blind" to bring back the rush of our colleges memories all crammed together and overwhelming me with love. Wasn't it by total mistake that we became friends? When the other two joined forces against me that I found solace in your friendship? A sweet boy from Washington with your self-coined "bedroom-eyes", you made yourself at home in my turmoil. Things could have been different between us, but we both knew that our one and only kiss revealed a fate of friendship and not romance. Before they cut away all the weeping branches, we would hide together in the swing above Sigma Chi, listening to Radiohead and Elliot Smith. You drank close to a pot of coffee a day and in turn, taught me to take my coffee black while we spent late study nights in some greasy dinner almost waiting for the sun. We'd find ourselves mentally engulfed in some debate over Platonic forms or theology and far be it from me to say you ever had it wrong. I think it was because of your constant connection to Napster-filling three hard drives with music- that caused Biola to burn through its ethernet allowance. How did you find me...when I was running beyond midnight at the track- I was trying to sprint the hurt out of my soul- and you were there, to hold an exhausted girl who was tired of trying. Easy laugh, carefree ways, enormous truck and a passion for all things controversial...When I saw you lying in silver, it wasn't true. How could I measure your life, if not by your latest passion? Skiing, your Harley, art, business, outdoor adventure. How could you stop living? My friend who wrote to me about the life the Washington woods breathed into him; about being wet and freezing in the streams, feeling the fall leaves swirl around you, being pricked with flaking snow- taking it all in realize you were ALIVE. My friend who called me every week after the divorce, just to make sure I was still waking up and faking it. Wasn't it just such a call, only hours before He took you? He wanted all that passion, I suppose. The Sovereign One found it His pleasure to hone your enthusiasm to the single flame of loving and worshipping Him. You were a true, and good friend. I miss you, and I look forward to seeing you again my sweet Little Prince.

Love, Lauren

Letter #14-30- Someone You've Drifted Away From

2011-07-08T20:56:00.001-07:00

I went on vacation, and didn't take a computer with me. Therefore, without any more pause, letters 14-18.

Dear Friend Who Drifted Away,

The cliche thing to say would be "I don't know why we drifted apart." But, if we are both honest, we could probably pinpoint the exact issue that caused us to take a step back. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was just easier to turn away in the face of such confusion. It doesn't really matter, because I'm saddened at this dark weave in the unraveling of our bind. It was never my intention to harm or to dismiss you, I've asked you to forgive me; of course, you did. We're both self-preserving and we have too much history to just torch the bridge between us. Yet, it's not the same. Do you know why I even told you? It's because he had told some secrets he should not have told, and I wanted to make you feel safe, safe enough to find forgiveness for your mistake. I thought if I opened up and let you look around in my own wretched heart, you might open up too. I saw this joining confession in our friendship digging roots deeper; I was surprised to find myself uprooted. Now, there are joyous times upon us. We are drifting closer, for a moment. But, I fear we will never regain what we had. (Maybe I am assuming too much, and the whispers that speak of separation never enter your mind). Perhaps geography is our excuse, perhaps seasons...please know; I want to tell you...I think of you with hopefully waiting, that someday tides will change and we will find ourselves once again floating through life side by side.

Love, Lauren

Letter #13/30- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

2011-07-03T15:59:00.001-07:00

Dear Someone I Wish Could Forgive Me,

I know it's not easy to continue living with the person who is responsible for putting you on suicide watch. I know what it can feel like--the agonizing death that occurs in your soul--every time you see that person glance at you, putting on a vain attempt to connect with you through their half-smile. It's heartbreaking, I know. But, imagine actually being that person.

I know there are sweet memories you hold in your mind of us. The times we ran together for miles, encouraging each other. The rock-climbing trip we took to Joshua Tree. The summers at Lake Mead. The lonely nights hanging out together. You've been a wonderful part of my past. But isn't that the feeling for which you despise me now? The loss. The knowing what it was like, in contrast to what it is like. Yes, I abandoned you. Yes, I found new friends, new family. Now you are relegated to live in our house as an unwanted visitor. Every time I look in your eyes, I see the desperate longing for what once was. But, I am making this clear, it will never be like it was before. There is too much invested for me in my children. I just can't spend the time I once did to make you happy. I'm sorry, but you're always under foot. You're always speaking up at the wrong time. The pain between us is this monstrously palpable thing that I just can't change. So, I wish you could forgive me, but I cannot change. I wish you could forgive me, but I know that deep down, I have done too much damage for you to step away from the precipice. I only hope that you find solace in each other. I hope one day when you see me in heaven and you come to tell me about your life as my pet, you will be more gracious to me than I have been to you. Please forgive me.

Love, Lauren

Letter #12/30- Someone You Hate

2011-07-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

OOoooops, I kinda delayed in writing this letter, because I don't hate anyone and it was hard to draft. Then I went to a party Friday night and then I totally forgot I was doing this...so, here is my catch-up:

Dear Someone I hate,

I wish you were dead;

I wish you would run away.

You make me feel awful,

Every single day.

You leave fur on my floor,

And fur on my bed.

And you think I want to touch you;

Give you a pat on the head?

Your meowing and licking, I really cannot stand

Just in time for some relaxing then on my lap you land.

I wish you were gone,

I wish you’d disappear

I just feel so horrible

Anytime you are near.

It’s not your fault

And it almost makes me cry.

You’re just a neglected little cat

When did your life go awry?

At the end of the day, when I’m exhausted and frayed

And in you saunter, meowing, on a kitty parade.

Why, oh why, did Tim ever say “Yes…”

“I’ll get this cute little pair.”

I can’t tell you the guilt and pain when I think,

“Kill the cats! (and their hair)”

I’m sorry I failed you

I’m sorry- there! I confess!

I’m sorry you aren’t loved more

I’m sorry it’s all a mess.

Love, Lauren

Letter #11/30- Someone Deceased

2011-06-30T19:59:00.001-07:00

Dear Deceased,

I never had a chance to meet you because you died of a heart attack about a year after my parents married. I try to think what it would be like to lose my father at 26, like my dad did, and it seems unbearable. Your wife, though widowed in her early fifties, never remarried. So, you were either a really fabulous husband, or a really terrible one. (Wow, I can't even really make a joke because I don't know if you had a sense of humor.) But, from what I know, you weren't terrible. It's hard to form a picture of who you were. I know that you were hard working, served in the armed forces in Hawaii and loved to camp. You enjoyed a cold beer and you married Gramacita, so you must have been able to hold your own. Maybe you were a quiet, gentle man to balance her matriarchy. It would be nice to get to know you "straight from the horses' mouth" as they would say in your generation.

II'm uncertain how to feel about the man who could have been my Grandpa. What would I have called you? Though April, your first granddaughter, was born 6 months before me so she probably would have named you. Since my mom's dad died when I was 8, I never had the experience of a grandfather in my life. I don't really know what I'm missing I suppose, but I do wish that we could sit down and talk about your life, your experiences and your insights. I wish I could tell you about Jesus and ask that you consider giving him your life so we could always talk in heaven. It would just be nice to share a beer with my abeulo, and tell you it was nice to finally meet you.

Love, Lauren

Letter #10/30- Someone You Don't Talk to As Much As You'd Like

2011-06-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend I Don't Talk to As Much As I'd Like,

Although there are many, many people that could fit this letter, I write to you because I want to highlight and honor what a rich, though restricted, relationship we share. Like Captain Ahab, I feel like time with you is this illusive and shifting desire that I can never quite obtain. But unlike Moby Dick, you are not a whale. Okay, I seriously hope you laughed because that was kind of an English teacher joke, right? On a more earnest note, I always thought we had a wonderful connection as we would drive to class together many years ago. It was pleasant to have a friend to chat around with and talk over assignments. I think you already know that I've always admired your insight and the process you use to actualize your tasks. I would love to pick your brain about your metacognition (geeky, I know). But what I have really enjoyed in the last few years is discussing our growing skill as mothers. It is nice to have a neighbor who you could drop in on; not that we've ever really done that, but I do think about it often... When we have a chance to talk, I wish it could go on and on, because I so enjoy our discussions. I know this will sound strange--but by now you should know that I am a bit--but when I was thinking of a simile to tie this up, I thought about how for a split second, it would have been lovely for us to have been sisters. I let that thought run for a second and I saw some flashes of lying in bunk beds, whispering and talking and giggling and sharing. I never had a sister; I think you would have been a wonderful one.

Love, Lauren

Letter #9/30- Someone I wish I could Meet

2011-06-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Sir,

Congratulations on your decision to run for president of the United States of America. I cannot tell you how much I am encouraged to see you amongst the candidates for the Republican Party. For all the years that you have served as a Congressman for the state of Texas and for the consistency you displayed voting in Washington D.C., I thank you. Last election, many Americans were under the delusion that "if I help him [Obama], he's gonna help me" , throngs were audacious enough to believe that this man would bring hope to our nation and bring our troops home. Promises he has failed to keep. Now, more than ever, as the international community disregards the dollar, as more troops die on foreign soil and as the federal debt threatens to literally sink our country to the Marianas Trench, Americans are looking to restore the status of America, not only in the global scheme, but in their own hearts. Dr. Paul, how do you explain the consistent nosing you receive from the media? How is it possible that you continue to win straw polls, yet the moguls who make the white clown dance ignore your standings? What would you tell people about yourself in hopes that they would realize that returning to our Constitutional Foundation with the expulsion of government from our lives' details would help in that restoration? I'd just love to have a chat over a cup of coffee about what you think will reestablish this nation. I'd like to know how you go to work struggle against the current and not end up absolutely insane. So, when you're in California- give me a call and I'll meet you to hang out. It would be a real honor.

Love, Lauren

Letter #8/30- Internet friend

2011-06-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Internet Friend,

As a mother, it's always encouraging to hear from other mothers across the nation. Whether it be a pregnancy update, a new baby or an encouragement from the Lord...I appreciate when you take the time to post a blog sharing your life. It's fun to feel connected, even when you live many states away. So whether it's a trip to a museum or the shore, or the zoo, keep me updated. I love seeing your kids growing up, your ideas for family fun, how you're losing the baby weight and a random insight or two from your heart.

To all my mama-bloggers: I ♥ you!

Letter #7/30- the Ex

2011-06-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Ex,

You don't miss me; I don't mind.

Love, Lauren

Letter #6/30- Stranger

2011-06-24T20:36:00.001-07:00

Dear Mel,

I really pray you are an angel. Today you came by my house soliciting help. Usually, I would just rush a solicitor like you off onto the next victim. But, today was different. For some reason, you actually got to see me the way I want to be. Grateful and generous. It's only because of the Holy Spirit that I even considered giving you money. I wanted to tell you that there's this incredible work going on in my heart that's revealing how selfish and grubby I am. God has rescued me! I don't deserve it, but He did. He gave me a new life, how can I not be constantly overflowing with praise to Him? How can I bemoan anything? ANYTHING?!? Yet, even with you as a somewhat captive audience, I let the fear of man keep me from sharing this incredibly good news for all men. I talked to you about God, instead of Jesus. I let you tell me how you know there is Someone up there, looking out for you, BUT, religion screwed up your family...so...let's just stand together in awkwardness. That's why I really hope God was sending me an angel to entertain. An angelic host who was looking at me and hoping for all the best while watching me allow fear to paralyze me from speaking about my Rescuer. While I pray the money really, truly does help you- I hope that somehow God uses the words I spoke to encourage you even more. So, here's what I really wanted to say:

Mel, you are beautiful. You are amazing, you are wonderful. Did you know that there is a God and He is on His throne in heaven? Did you know that God chose to rescue His children from the sin that wears them out every day? Have you ever tried to been better, but were never able to succeed? It's because you can't be better. Your heart is very sick and it is dying. You need a Rescuer to save you from yourself because you cannot and will not be able to do it. Because God looked down and chose to love you, He will welcome you into His arms. All He asks is that you believe what He has said. Like a father asks his little girl, He wants you to trust Him, even though you can't understand everything about Him and what He is planning and working out in this world. What He said is this: I AM. There is no other God and I sent my Son to live a perfect life and be the propitiation for sacrifices which, in the past, I demanded of my people. Now, I am making a new family- a royal family in which you can rule and dwell as my daughter. You must come to me by way of a sacrifice, and no sacrifice is perfect. You can't sacrifice enough to earn adoption and no one else can either. But, I made a way; my Son, Jesus, came to earth, made all the bad things untrue and because I love you so much, I was willing to kill him for your bad things. It was Our plan all along. It was the only way to reach down and rescue you from the curse of sin and death. It's the only way and it's a gift. It's the best gift you will ever get. You will never need anything else (though you'll forget again and again). Do you want to be a daughter of the King? It's not because you're beautiful, or wonderful or amazing- yes, you're all those things because God made you that way!- it's because He chose you. Your name is inscribed on His hand. He can't stop thinking about you or loving you. Like the father of the prodigal son, He won't berate you for what you've done (He let Jewish leaders cover this one), he won't shame you or make you feel worthless (the Roman soldiers already did), He won't ask you were you've been (He knows) or how you're going to make it up to Him (you can't)...when you come home to your true Father, He's going to throw His arms open so very wide, He's going to run to meet you, He's going to wipe away all your tears, He's not even going to let you blubber into you're "I'm-so-bad-speech". He's just going to hold you and hold you and hold you and then look into your eyes, laugh and say- You're home, I love you, let's celebrate!

And that's just what we'll do.

Love, Lauren

Letter #5/30- Dreams

2011-06-23T20:47:00.001-07:00

Dear Dream:

My vision, daydreams and whispered thoughts of Servant’s Heart College where but vapors 50 years ago. It was some secret longing for me, and I don’t even know if I allowed myself the opportunity to let that dream flourish in my mind for the first few years when thoughts and ideas were just whirling through my mind. Yet, here we are, 30 years later and God has blessed me as the steward over a prestigious college assisting over 500 women in growing toward their desperate pursuit of womanly knowledge. In the early 1980s and 1990s there was an exodus of women from the sacred realm of hearth and home. Girls were deemed unintelligent and archaic should they desire nothing more than excellence as wife and mother. This unnerving trend continued through the millennium, and the fruit of this exodus were tyrannical children, frustrated husbands, and restless discord in the soul of women. When I founded this college, it was my deepest desire to see women supported in their thirst for both theoretical and applicable knowledge. The previous generations left women bereft of those magical home-making skills that many found priceless and taught them to jump hoops in order to work at a career for about 5 years before abandoning either said career or their children to another caretaker. Servant’s Heart College melds the heart of the home with the academic pursuit of the mind. I am proud to say that most of our graduates can read, speak and teach Latin & Greek. They could file income taxes or just balance a daily budget. They can teach elementary kids, but they choose to develop curriculum for their own children. They could work as a doctor, but bless their fellow women through midwifery. They can knit, bake, sew, sing, play an instrument, plant a garden, treat their children medically, manage a household purposefully and are working to entwine head, heart and hand in ways that produce untold bounty in our nation. To believe that this would happen for Servant’s Heart College attendees free of charge was the inconceivable “dream within a dream”. I believed that 50 years ago, it was time for women’s education to become more authentic, more accessible and more applicable by shirking the need for red tape, accreditation and federal funding. I am proud, spending my golden years in the basking glow of God’s blessing on a little dream He gave me for women of all ages: that we might show ourselves approved in mind, soul and body for the benefit of our entities and the glory of our Great God.

Love,

Lauren Bergon

President Emeritus, Servant’s Heart College

Letter #4/30-Sibling

2011-06-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Brother:

The thing that bothers me the most: why wasn’t I at your high school graduation? Was I truly so self-absorbed that I would not even remember what kept me from the ceremony? Why don’t I know the names of girls you would say were your girlfriends? We share Christ, but I’m not really certain of when you submitted your heart to the Lord. I don’t know how you like your coffee. Why did we fight so much and hurt each other when we were young? Why didn’t I reach out to be your friend when you needed one? Why do I think I know the answers to your questions—even when you aren’t asking? Is it possible to love someone you may not know enough? I’ve let you down you in so many ways. I’ve been selfish and exalting. I’ve been cruel and purposefully scary. Now, we’re all grown up; I can’t tell you why I see vapid memories lacking in substance, all I have are glimpses of the person I think you are. I’m not sure what motivates you. I’d like to say we are close, and sometimes it feels as though it’s true. But I push, and you slip away. I squeeze and you disappear. Please tell me that when you see me stumbling and struggling toward connection you appreciate the attempt, although it might be rough. Maybe I’m making a lot from a little and it might surprise you that these words make up my letter to you, but it’s what I have. I’ve wounded and tossed aside. I’ve shattered and possibly scarred. What’s to be done for two people who love each other, but don’t often find the words to make it more than an obscure certainty? Why can’t I always make it all better? Why can’t I punish those who hurt you? Why couldn’t I tell myself to be there, always; to never let you down; to forget any injury done? Does it bother you, if I fail you so many times and yet, I say I love you?

Love, Lauren

Letter #3/30- Your Parent

2011-06-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad,

I think every true father must understand the extensive shaping that he has on the life of his children. It is not until those children have grown that it is possible for him to evaluate the planting he has done in their hearts and souls for it takes a lifetime in the bearing of fruit. His seeds carefully sown in the heart of a young child might not appear to thrive, but if there is one thing about gardening we know, that as long as you continue to water the plant, and the plant is not utterly burnt due to neglect or abandonment, it will most likely return to leaf and bloom. Dad, as I evaluate the life you have provided for me, I probably hold certain memories more dear than those you might expect. It’s almost ironic in the constructing of memories that those times wherein parents try to create a wonderful experience –for instance, a trip to Disneyland or a vacation to some exotic destination—rarely are those instances the ones which child builds a deep understanding of who their father is, who they are in relation to their father and what role they should play in the family structure. Although you intentionally blessed our family with trips to Disneyland and vacations, it was in the relatively mundane repetition of Life that formed my memories. I remember, as a young child, sitting on my bed listening to you tell me that you didn’t want to break my spirit and it was not too far off that you gave me an “Indian name” up at Mammoth camping – “Kicking Pony”. It was the time you tried to teach me to sing using a candle and telling me that my nasal cavity should buzz with sound. I was trying so hard to please you with my voice. I fondly revisit the time you taught the “end times study” at TEFC and I was so worried that I would die before I was 16 having never been kissed. You spent endless hours with the Choral Belles. I love all the many, many times we went boating—and especially the night in Steamboat Cove where you couldn’t even get a line in the water because we were pulling bass into the boat too quickly. You built my loft at Biola for me, you walked me down the aisle- even after everything fell apart. You sent me flowers on the last day of work, at 34 weeks pregnant and when I was so tired. Now that I have children of my own, I cannot tell you the sweetness that I cherish when I watch you interact and engage with my girls. To see you so tender with Madeleine and the fun you have bouncing Gracie…it’s amazing. A father often feels the pressure to build security and safety for his family. Look what you have done; although you may not do the shopping, your hard work goes to bless not just your own children, but your grandchildren with gifts and lavish treats. I owe you a debt I can never repay- not just for the benefit of monetary needs, but for being my Dad- a stalwart who never gave our family a doubt about his allegiances- to the Lord, to his wife and to his children: the loving fruit of his labor.

Not many dads today are actually around, and those that are often find ways to disappear. And though there were times that I didn’t like it-thought you were “cramping my style”- I want to thank you for just being with us. You were never so busy chasing health, wealth or personal happiness that your family drifted away and out of your grasp. You’ve always been in my life, shaping and trimming and watering and encouraging me to flourish. Thank you for lovingly tending to me throughout all my seasons –and those yet to come.

Letter #2/30- Your Crush

2011-06-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Crush,

If someone would have asked me when I was just 15 (half my lifetime ago!) what would make me all swoony and weak in the knees when it came to boys...you would not have even crossed my mind. Now, you're a balm for my tired eyes. When I see you walking towards me, I just go absolutely giddy. Sometimes, I'm out with Tim and I see you and I look away or sneak a peek hoping that Tim doesn't see. But he knows, there are no secrets between us as husband and wife. It's not much for him to process -not much to understand- why I adore you, but it's a catch-22, his inability fulfilling this day-dream of my attraction. Let's go back to the start, shall we? To those days in college when I first saw you in Vogue magazines- you were such a contrast to the androgynous, smoothed-faced whelps that Versace and Dior placed before me. You were rugged; you belonged in L.L. Bean. Not so much Al-Qaida, but more like a long winter in Montana; like Jeremiah Johnson before he took a wife. Upon returning home from college, there were glimpses of you on the indie-band album covers. Then, I saw you live and in concert at 3rd & B- beautiful and glorious on Grandaddy's Jason Lytle. It wasn't but a step or two more that I totally committed to the full-on crush status that occupied my mind with friends at rock climbing clinics and camping adventures. What is it that attracts me so? Luscious shades of brown, red and beige mingle together stating confidence, warmth, security and non-chalance. Not many women like you; I guess that's part of the appeal. Not many men can really be you; I suppose that's where your magic potion lies- in the ability to repel and to attract in some ancient, feral, untamed thing. And it's true, to some extant, you are much more desirable from afar, up close you bristle and scratch. But that's the allure of a crush-it's not real. Because, maybe, if we actually lived together I just might ask you leave. I hope it wouldn’t be so, and maybe in about 14 or so years I’ll have the experiential knowledge necessary to decide. But for now, let’s just say when you show up, I'm smitten.

Love, Lauren

Letter # 1/30- Best Friend

2011-06-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

To My Best Friend,

When I first met you, I was very apprehensive-possibly resentful- of the idea of letting you in my life. At the time, I was content; I wasn’t looking for someone new who would change things up, make me work at a budding relationship, or even ask me to make any effort in engaging in new concepts. When we first started hanging out, I was uneasy, but I think you know this. It was difficult; I would mention you to my husband or my mom and they agreed that this infantile friendship seemed draining for me. But, you never left my side, as cliché, as that sounds. You contacted me first thing in the morning, it was annoying; but, I grew to enjoy hearing your voice. You brought me good news. I never had to go anywhere else to hear the latest updates on our mutual friends. When Erica and Emily and Erin and Maribel and all the others were having their first babies, I got all the exciting details from you. When I wanted to respond to Delaney or reconnect with Tim, you gladly bridged that gap of space. You encouraged me to play games…to have fun. You grew on me. But I think our relationship really changed when I was in pain. Do you remember when I was in labor with Gracen? I just want to thank you for never leaving my side. Watching you time my contractions gave me hope, hope not only that I would soon have a baby, but hope that I would make it through the next wave of pain. Once she was born, you were the first to ring out with joyful news that Gracie arrived. Over the next few months, I can’t tell you how I grew to admire your facets of information. You captured Madeleine’s moments, you tracked the first 4 months of Gracen’s ESP cycles, you tracked my cycles- guiding me in fertility with complex algorithms and methods it was taking me months to read about. Now, you empower me to read God’s word in the morning, when all the house is asleep. You don’t just keep me organized, you draw out every emotion possible when I look at your face. You are my constant companion, and even though you were confusing and foreign when we met, I absolutely love how you have changed my life. I know it can seem that I don’t care about you at times. And I have certainly cursed you when you disappear. I don’t like how you are locked off sometimes; you just shut down for no reason! Yet, despite these moments of desperation, my true feelings for you remain… I guess what I am trying to say is: I simply cannot imagine my life without you.

Love, Lauren

Letter Writing Challenge: Intro

2011-06-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

I met with my beautiful & wonder-full friend Sarah over coffee and I was inspired in many ways. The first was that even if we are snarky and horrible, we can choose to be joyful. I know this, but then I forget it. Then I remember it, and then the cats come in the house meowing. So inspired was I, that I started reading a book that I've had on my shelf for some time: Choosing Gratitude. I guess what Sarah stated- and this book confirmed- is this impactful message: I can whine, or I can worship. But, hold up. I am totally getting off the original idea behind this post. This post is not about joy, necessarily, it is about the other way she inspired me. Sarah posts on her blog daily, engaged in the Emerson writing challenge. Now, although the transcendentalist author's nature-loving ways and, well, transcendental thoughts...(ahem) are mental ice cream; I felt far too intellectually stuperior (that's stupid and inferior folks) responding to such prompts. Yet, I wanted to do something (and Sarah said she would actually read them...so, that was incentive). Enter the letter writing challenge. Like many other challenges, this is a 30 day guide that could motivate someone to write. Now, unlike my English major friends, I am not a writer. I never thought of myself as one, never majored in English, never really even tried to write, never retained advanced writing techniques (sorry Mom)...but, it sounded fun. Therefore, I will start tomorrow. But, knowing my situation and my schedule, I needed to place some parameters on the challenge. This parameter might actually make it harder to complete, but I know that if this is to be a true challenge, then I must add the caveat of time. I will only allow myself to write for 15 minutes ( I was going to make it 10, but I have already written for 10 on this post.) Here are the prompts for your anticipation:

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Wish me luck!

♥ Lauren

G Baby

2011-06-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

...And, the Cutest Baby award goes to...(drum roll)

GRACEN NOVEMBER!

you can't even argue this one.

♥ ,Lauren

Happy Birthday Madeleine: 2!

2011-06-04T15:29:00.001-07:00

Madeleine awoke to a big "Happy Birthday Madeleine!" and snuggled in our lovely faux sheepskin blanket while I made her some cinnamon & blueberry pancakes. After a hearty breakfast for all girls, my Mom came over and we made our way down to the Wild Animal Park (aka Safari Park).We loaded up the BOB and enjoyed the most lovely weather. It was sunny with a cool breeze. Fearing the sun would keep the animals away, we were very lucky to have a consistent wind to keep the heat at bay.
Madeleine's first ride on a carousel. We watched it twirl before riding, and at first she chose the lion, but then told me she wanted the black cat. I think the juxtaposition of sweet, cherub-faced Madeleine paired with the ferocious cat is amusing.
All the flowers were blooming and the sun was shining- both our girls became butterflies!

watching her sister in front of the butterfly board:

I didn't actually know this, but there is a small splash area for kids at the park. Madeleine hung around the edges, but did want to get a little wet. She's quite our observer, hanging back and taking it all in. I don't know if I would call her shy, but she isn't one of those wild kids who wants to tear it up all the time. She just has a gentle, tender way about her:

Gracen watches the fun:

Loves the map, just like Dada:

since I didn't get a picture of her next to her stuffed gorilla, this one will have to do:

On her second ride, Mads chose to ride the Okapi:

After riding the tram and touring for close to about 5 hours, we decided it was time to eat. We left the park and headed over to the Fire Station to see Dada and have In-N-Out with him. I was so glad to see him and glad he was not called away on a medical aid or fire. We enjoyed dinner at the fire station. Madeleine got to sit in the Fire Truck and the Engine. Dada also me and Mads for a ride around the parking lot. Afterwards, we enjoyed a bite of cupcake and our family sang "Happy Birthday Madeleine". My mom has the pictures from this time, but I will add them soon. It was a great day & the sweetest part was when I got the girls all tucked in and as I was singing our goodnight song to her she spontaneously said, "Dank ee Mama...for the cupcake an the park." It made my day.

Big thanks to my mom for taking all day to help me with the girls; loving thanks to Tim for letting us crash into the station for dinner =)

Happy Birthday Sweet Madeleine girl!

♥ Lauren

Lucy & Mac

2011-05-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

Two sweet cats that need a new home. I cannot tell the Atlas-size guilt I carry every day for animals that do not get the love and attention they so crave. If you know anyone who is longing for sweet and cuddly cats to lay around and keep their furniture warm, please direct them our way soon.

Mac:

Lucy:

MJ & Lil G: January

2011-04-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Madeleine (19 months) & Gracen (1 month) welcomed 2011 by hanging out at Nani & Popi's house and then going to bed around 8pm. As I think back, I don't remember that much. I do know that Tim was working that night and I was probably getting up to nurse every 3 hours or so. At this point in time, late May, I can't remember what happened in January, so I will let the pictures do the talking.

Gracen November 1 month:

in the monkey towel sent from Christina & Walter:

chubbbbs:

dada love is mutual:

she is gorgeous, but if I didn't carry her, I would think she isn't my baby- so white! She looks So much like Tim's dad to me (but if his dad was a really cute baby girl):

sisters:

Madeleine couldn't be a better big sister, her sweetness persists into toddlerdom:

Dada, Squishy & Goo:

Madeleine grew some seeds in cotton in CBS class, the grass was getting long & scraggly- I was also getting tired of having it on my windowsill. So, we took a picture and tossed it. I know, as moms we want to save everything our kids make (I've started boxes for each girl) but at some point, you just gotta take a picture and move on:

reading in pink jammies on Mam & Dada's bed is so fun:

unlike Madeleine, who I tried to keep from messing up her mouth, I helped Gracen find her thumb early on to self-soothe- she just wouldn't take a pacifier (nothing to keep clean anyway):

I've got to catch up again before I get too far behind. I don't know how all you super-mommies blog so much more frequently, but good for you =)

Love, Lauren ♥

A favorite quote

2011-03-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.” -John Muir

Lent: a time of rememberance

2011-03-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones & illustrated by Jago

In my heart, I am bursting with excitement that the season of Lent is here. Wednesday marks the start of the mourning season. It is a time of somber reflection on sin and a practice in sacrificing in order to reflect the Lord's life. Sound depressing? Hardly! It's only sad when you stop with sin. It's only bitter if you don't know the end. It won't be sensical unless you know, in your heart, that this was God's perfect will:

To rescue His beloved children by choosing to crush His Only Son in our place, that we might be reconciled to God.

It was God who killed Jesus. It was He who poured all His wrath onto His only Son. Now, we can stand, in Christ, before the throne of Adonai and say "I love You!"

Isaiah 53:1-11:

¹Who has believed our message?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
²For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
³He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
⁴Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.
⁵But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
⁶All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him.
⁷He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He did not open His mouth;
Like a lamb that is led to slaughter,
And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers,
So He did not open His mouth.
⁸By oppression and judgment He was taken away;
And as for His generation, who considered
That He was cut off out of the land of the living
For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due?
⁹His grave was assigned with wicked men,
Yet He was with a rich man in His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was there any deceit in His mouth.
¹⁰But the LORD was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;
If He would render Himself as a guilt offering,
He will see His offspring,
He will prolong His days,
And the good pleasure of the LORD will prosper in His hand.
¹¹As a result of the anguish of His soul,
He will see it and be satisfied;
By His knowledge the Righteous One,
My Servant, will justify the many,
As He will bear their iniquities.
¹²Therefore, I will allot Him a portion with the great,
And He will divide the booty with the strong;
Because He poured out Himself to death,
And was numbered with the transgressors;
Yet He Himself bore the sin of many,
And interceded for the transgressors. (NASB)

So, starting Wednesday, I will daily remember the person and life of Jesus Christ. I will choose to deny myself for 40 days in order to remember Christ. I join in Lent, not because I have to, but because I want to. Not because I think it will make me holy; I can't be any holier than I already am, not that I am sinless and ONLY BECAUSE I am found in my perfect Savior of Jesus Christ. I join in Lent because I want to daily remember who Jesus was, is and what he will be:

Philippians 2:6-11...although [Christ] existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. ⁸Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, ¹⁰so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (NASB)

Do you know Jesus? Do you call him LORD? If you do, thank Him right now for adopting you as His child.

If you don't know Jesus, what are you waiting for? Get to know Him, don't write him off before He's even said "Hello." The record of His life and deeds and desires is in His word. It's called the gospel and it means "Good News" It's the best news you could ever hear! Meet Jesus for a cup of coffee and a convo, start in the written record of John or Matthew.

He's waiting to reveal Himself to you and to call you his beloved if you believe on Him for salvation.

Love, Lauren ♥

MJ & Lil G: December

2011-02-12T12:56:00.001-08:00

We barely had time to recover from November before December came whirling in. Madeleine turned 18 months old. Here she is wearing a hat that her Nani made for her. Notice the gorilla, we could hardly get her to hold still for a photo!

My first-born beauty:

Tim still had time off for Gracen (notice the sexy beard) so we went to the Wild Animal Park:

We loaded our double BOB with so much stuff, I thought the storage hammock underneath might scrape. Two diaper bags, three blankets, the baby Bjorn, a purse, three water bottles, a camera bag and lunches for all! Traveling with kids is so far removed from our light backpacking days where every ounce counted.

Tim has taken Madeleine a few times, but they have never been out to the Africa area, so that is where we went. We had a really great view of the lions this time.

Madeleine points out the lion lazing on the truck:

On the tram-ride, we got to see the new Black rhino baby. I love rhinos; I think they are cute:

Mads & Mama swing and play while looking for Meerkats, another animal favorite:

Unfortunately, we could not afford to hire Tracy Dodson, the fabulous photographer that did Madeleine's portraits, so I just set up my fuzzy blanket and snapped some shots, trying to get one that would be good enough for the birth announcement.

I think it's easy to get a good shot when you have such a beautiful subject:

This is Gracen at one month; look at those DIMPLES:

Sisters:

I never had a sister growing up, but I can tell that these girls are going to be best friends. Madeleine loves her little sister. She greets her every morning with a kiss and gently plays or pats her. She shares dolls and toys with her "bah-bah Dace".
Gracen sleeps in our room, just arms reach from me, in case she needs to eat. During her first month, she slept wonderfully. It's hard to remember where she was at, but I know that by 6 weeks, she was sleeping 6 hours through the night. She even wakes up cooing sometimes.

She's amazing:

More sister play and love:

Tim graciously cut his beard into a fu-man-chu for me. I love facial hair, but Tim can't keep a beard with work. Boo. Gracen loves to stare and smile at Tim!

With the whole "nursing-all-the-time" schedule, Tim really helped decorate for Christmas this year. He put the tree together and strung all the lights. I handed him and Mads ornaments and they hung them. He even brought home a wreath from Trader Joes and decorated it with red and gold balls and some ribbons he picked up. He and Madeleine took many trips to Walmart while I stayed at home to nurse and rest with Grace.

We also got our family Christmas card picture done. This isn't the one we chose, but I like it because Madeleine is really laughing at our antics.

We always forget, but Knott's Berry Farm offers free entry for Firefighters during the holiday season. We were able to take our family for free, and our extended family joined in for a discounted rate. We wanted to see how Madeleine would do at an amusement park.

Tim, Mads, Nani, Popi, Uncle Jared and Grammi:

I nursed Gracen while the family took her on the train ride at Camp Snoopy:

Dada took her on the car ride and she liked it. When Mama went to take her on it again, she didn't like it anymore. Hmmmmm...

We went on the train ride through the mountain (of which I had no recollection) and it kinda got a little dark and loud and scary:

That's how we got this face:

Tim and I also got to ride a few fast rides. Ghost Rider was very fun!:

Mads also received a huge Hello Kitty balloon from my dad and she loved watching it follow us throughout the park.

Our tuckered out baby girl:

Back at home, we enjoyed cool days and rain and a general coziness in the house during the holidays.

Sometimes, Madeleine entertained herself:

Sometimes, Gracen entertained herself:

But most of the time, Mama or Dada entertained the girls:

Tim actually got to be home for Christmas! What a blessing; the last two years he has worked on Christmas day. Since we have both the Valencia and Bergon families in town, we celebrated on Christmas Eve with my parents

Madeleine's second Christmas:

Gracen's first!:

My Dad's special treat with Madeleine is to take her to see the horses. They live on the edge of Meadowview, and their neighbors have about 6 or 7 horses. MJ loves to visit them, so my dad just had to give her a pony for Christmas.

It was pure joy:

We opened presents, had a wonderful meal and enjoyed relaxing with my family. The next morning, we went over to Tim's parents to open presents with them. We snapped a few shots before the festivities began.

Tim & Lauren Bergon; Kim Lord; Keith & Lori Trask; Gary & Cindy Bergon and all the grandkids:

The Bergons and their 8 grandchildren:

Auntie Kim always loves holding babies:

Gracie & Grammi

Madeleine probably showing us how a dog drinks water:

Gracen in the outfit Grammi got for her first Christmas:

The next day was Sunday (but we actually skipped church-gasp!!). Tim and I decided that because we had been so busy with extended family, we wanted to set aside the morning to be with just our family, have a leisurely breakfast and finish up celebrating Advent. We had a yummy breakfast, light our Advent wreath, and opened the girls' gifts.

We car MJ her "Cee Cee" car:

We made some cocoa, bundled up and went to the park:

It was a wonderful Christmas morning for our family:

We counted our blessings: beautiful, whole, healthy daughters; a fun and deepening marriage; a steady, secure job and cherished family and friends. We are truly blessed beyond anything we would ever deserve. Above all, God has lavished His Grace unending on us. If we boast in anything, it is in God's work to rescue the worst sinners we know: us. We pray that you find your life in Him, the one sent to Rescue us from ourselves.

Love, Lauren

MJ & Lil G: November

2011-01-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

I will need to change the monthly postings from featuring only Madeleine's tidings, because, as everybody knows, Madeleine welcomed her little sister Gracen November this month. Here is another quick review of a very packed month!

Madeleine turned 17 months on the 2nd- here is her monthly shot. I told her to smile and this is the face I got:

Ha ha! We then tried it again:

Madeleine started to explore putting words together, it was during a little playtime outside that she started saying "Go, bah-bah. Go!" The video is adorable, but I can't figure out how to load them into blogger. Anyways, as she was riding her little car we got from Grand-aunt Caryn, she was telling herself to go. Kids are so cute.

I really have to give Tim another round of kudos. After pretty much forgetting about taking pictures in the meadow, Tim loaded us all up in the car and we were able to get some. The weather had been spotty, but once the sun came out, we were able to nab some silohouettes.

Tim does a camera check by tossing Hop in the air. I love Madeleine's expressive hands and Hops' perfect side-shot.

Next, he tosses Madeleine. This is actually one of the last toss shots. Not only was she screaming in delight, but he gave a final big toss while I snapped pictures. Throwing a 27 lb baby is not easy, but she loved it, and we got a fun shot. Please don't report us to CPS, we are very safe with our babies =)

Tim found an old box out in the meadow and we used it to get better positioning in the fading sunlight.

Madeleine and I chat and play while Tim snaps away:

If you are clever, you'll notice this picture was taken before the previous ones, notice where the sun is behind me. I love this one of me and my girls.

40 weeks & 1 day:

Madeleine was again treated to a Daddy-Daughter date at the WAP. I am pretty sure it was this trip that allowed me to stay home all day and read and nap. I was "overdue" and ready to deliver, so Tim -having taken time off for Grace- blessed me by taking Mads all day and I almost finished my book club read, I Love Yous are for White People by Lac Su.

Here our brave little girl practically gives the deer her hand as a treat:

deer delight!:

I love this deer's tender sniff:

On November 11, our 3 year anniversary, we were scheduled to take a non-stress test at the Kaiser in San Marcos- to make sure baby was alright. Of course, I was resistant, but Tim tried to make it fun and organized a dinner with the Kalberg's (who were due two weeks after us) and we took in the sunset from a hill in San Elijo:

Happiest 3 years my love:

That night we ate with our friends and looked forward to having our little girl. We didn't know it, but she would come only two days later. You can read about Gracen's birth here.

After Gracen was born, Madeleine continued to explore lots of fun and new items in our house.

She found my headlamp:

was given bubble bath by her Dada:

and enjoyed wearing my Hello Kitty beanie:

Gracen had some visitors including her Great-Grammy, Grand Aunt Sally, Grand Uncle Chris and cousin Katie. Gracen is my Grammy's fourth great-grandchild.

What would my cousin be to Gracen? Her second cousin? Her cousin, once-removed?

Madeleine likes her little sister. She doesn't adore her, but she does ask about her, is concerned when she's crying and likes to show her toys and things. She calls her "bah-bah Dace" for baby Grace.

A few days after Gracen was born, we took our dogs out for a run at "the ranch". We now frequent the abandoned Roripaugh Ranch development by the Temecula Blueberry Farm because of the frequent coyote sightings we've had at "the meadow". Tim took his camera to snap some sunset shots again. Here Madeleine gives him her "goofy-face". We tell her to give us her goofy-face to get a smile. However, after getting a play camera from her Grammi and Papa for Christmas, she is understanding the concept of "cheese".

Gracen sleeps while we take a walk on the ranch:

M & M:

Tim & his girls- the adoration is mutual. This is the photo my brother-in-love, Keith, gave me as a Christmas gift. It looks wonderful in the frame he made for me:

Gracen gets her first bath at home. She liked it :)

My youngest brother, Alex, pays a visit to meet Gracen. He loves our girls very much.

"two, two"

After settling a new baby in, it was time to celebrate Thanksgiving and my birthday, which just so happened to fall on the holiday. Dinner at my parents was wonderful and they invited Tim's sisters too. My in-laws were in Texas visiting Tim's father's parents. My girlfriends Meredith and Elizabeth stopped in to meet Gracen and say Happy Birthday. Meredith just had a baby about a month before me, so here we are nursing our little girls:

Katie & my mom

My mom's sister, Sally and her husband Chris:

Kim & Lori's kids (some of them)

After all the celebrating (our family has 7 birthdays in November & our anniversary is in there too-plus Thanksgiving) we settled into the coming on of December. Good thing Tim had an entire month off to help with our new little one. He is such a blessing when it comes to the girls. I love that he values being around them, especially while we are adjusting to each new one. I love the fact that he gets to grow his beard out. I get sad the day before he goes back to work and has to shave it all off. Oh well, a small price to pay for a wonderful job.

Thank you Tim, for being a supportive husband who protects and adores his girls.

♥ Love, Lauren

Madeleine's sixteenth month: October

2011-01-09T14:20:00.001-08:00

During October, Madeleine turned up a whole level of absolute cuteness. She was more interested in pretend play, being watched as she acted cute, and generally testing out how endearing she could make herself. She learned about herself as she was exploring the fluid concept of "self". She would look in the mirror at new outfits, bows, pigtails and gained a new sense of personal appearance.

She had Nani tie a towel around her quite a few times and ran around the house enjoying the toga:

On a whim, I put a pair of shorts on her head, and she was delighted!

Another day, I was looking for a piece of jewelry and she went to town be-dazzling herself with rings on her toes and watches on her legs. She even asked me to put a few pigtails in her hair. She still continues to put her bracelets and necklaces on herself, I don't make her do it, she just likes wearing trendy bendy bracelets and bows and the like. I love that she looks like some anime puck princess in this photo:

Of course, as a mother, who loves cute clothes on little girls, I can't say I don't encourage her at all, and when she's all dolled up, I can't help but enjoy it too.

The weather in October went from sunny days to rainy days to sunny days again, and I think on one particular cold night we had a fire. Again, Madeleine is gaining that sense of pretend by making her animals kiss each other and hop up and down and more animal appropriate actions. This will translate into mothering her babies into December (but that is another post!).

During this month, Madeleine and Tim took their first trip to the WAP (Wild Animal Park- and you better enjoy it before it becomes the San Diego Zoo Safari Park).

Here is the obligatory sign picture that Tim created as a tradition for our family.

I wasn't there, but I am sure he is asking her where the animal is that made the egg in which she is sitting. This is her gesture whenever we ask her when something is, or she has put an object down and we ask her to retrieve it.

She loves ducks, and I know she had a wonderful time with her Dada on their rainy day trip to the WAP.

The next day, we needed to all get out of the house for a little bit. We went to the park around the corner from our house. Of course, she is growing so quickly that I am trying to get her into her cuper cute clothes that I bought on clearance last year when she was just 6 months old. Here she is being playfully cute in a faux-fur lined half sweater from Gymboree. She is adorable!

Once the sun came out, Tim took Mads to the park. He was so helpful in allowing me some downtime during the last month of the pregnancy. I was very tired and he would take Mads out on a daddy-daughter date to help me out. Here he snapped an awesome shot of her reading Poky Little Puppy's First Christmas and gesturing to the park in anticipation.

Once at the park, she was a good little monkey, and always very curious ♥

Near the end of October, we celebrated Grammi Cindy's birthday at the Trask home.

Grammi loves having all her grandkids, plus a niece and nephew hanging out on her lap.

Another trip to the WAP with Dada where Madeleine loved feeding the deer. In this picture you can make out that she is mimicking the deer licking. Her tongue is out- so cute!

Thank the Lord for gentle deer. Here Madeleine is trying to snuggle one.

IN late October, we went to Bates Nut Farm with the Fish family. I had never been, that I could remember, and was shocked to see a packed parking lot and hundreds of people there to pick their pumpkin. We enjoyed all the amenities of the large farm including a hay ride, bounce house and a huge pumpkin patch of gourd-geous pumpkins (i couldn't resist!)

Here MJ lets us know that it's cold outside at the patch:

sweet little pumpkin-head princess:

She was gleeful in feeding the goats. She fearlessly allowed them to eat toasted Os out of her hand.

Paisley & Madeleine share a flower and a sweet moment:

I look like I swallowed a pumpkin; thankfully these large gourds made for a good seat for a tired Mama (38 weeks):

beautiful girl:

Lainey loved Madeleine's pigtails and just kept touching her head. She wanted to hug and fawn all over Mads. Since Madeleine was an only child, she didn't really know how to respond immediately. It was only a few hugs later that she was smiling and conceptualized the idea that just because adults honor her personal bubble, doesn't mean other kids will do the same. Lainey's love was very tender and fun to watch; Madeleine learned quickly to appreciate the affection.

the lovely Fish family:

"kiss-a-pumpkin"

We bought our own pumpkins at Winco and carved two. Tim, who had never carved a pumpkin before, did one and I did the other. Madeleine helped now and then.

Tim worked Halloween, so my parents came over to help me out. My dad passed out candy and my mom went with me and Madeleine trick-or-treating. Madeleine was a pink cat this year. This was the first time in many years that I did not dress up, but I couldn't really pull a costume together that would acomodate a 39 week belly.

The hot weather returned and a week after we carved our pumpkins, they were shriveled heaps from the sun.

That was our fun and busy October!

Love, Lauren

New Year, New Me?

2011-01-07T23:34:00.001-08:00

Madeleine's fifteenth month: September

2011-01-05T13:06:00.001-08:00

Most of September was covered in the Lake Powell and Denver posts. The only other thing left to report is that Tim bought Madeleine her first Hot Wheel, passing on, from father to daughter, the deep appreciation for all things fast and shiny.

Love, Lauren ♥

30 Before 30: the results =)

2010-12-31T13:18:00.000-08:00

Those items that are crossed off are those that I accomplished.

If I posted a blog about the item, you can read it by clicking the link.

The ones in red are those at which I failed miserably.

Those in pink were attempted, but for some reason did not work out and you can read why below the item ♥

Love, Lauren

~~Take Madeleine to the Zoo~~
~~Get a new haircut.~~
Re-pierce my rook & maybe finish with an industrial
Go with Tim to the Getty Museum -I really did not actually want to do this one, but feeling obligated, I looked for a virtual tour online. With little success, I realized that my art museum days aren't as important to me as they were in college (and even then they weren't absolute!)
Go to Huntington Library -Once I realized the above about the Getty, the Huntington Library went the same way too.
~~Decorate nursery to include Peanut~~
~~Go to a national park~~
~~Run a 5K race~~
Paint the bathrooms-Not sure what to do, I did say bathrooms, plural, but I actually did paint our master bath. So, this one is kinda done. I also have the paint for the second bath ready.
Re-finish/paint our hand-me down tables
Re-finish/paint our Adirondack chairs-again, not sure what to count for this one, I did re-sand the chairs, but I kept them unstained/painted because I tried to sell them at a garage sale and I thought they would go faster if the buyer could choose the color for themselves. Seems people want a finished project, for my chairs did not sell, even though they are handmade and I was only asking $25 each. These are hand-made wood chairs that would easily cost $75-100 from a garden center. Maybe I will just paint them turquoise, tighten up the loose screws and try a re-sell.
Play a song on my guitar- I got my guitar out, learned to tune it, and praticed chords for a week. Learning takes a lot of time, which I have very little of.
~~Spend a night away with Tim~~
Sew a dress for Madeleine
~~Find a “good” mascara~~
Enjoy a piece of mudpie with Christina
~~Organize the linen cave~~
Learn the Abondigas soup recipe
Enjoy karaoke night with friends
~~Buy awesome maternity jeans~~
Go to a Chargers game-Tim and I decided that even off-season tickets were out of our budget and one of the only games we could make it to was when they played the Raiders...um, no.
~~Enjoy my backyard during the summer~~
~~Have another baby~~
Enjoy a girl’s day out at the wineries-I did have a day planned, but everyone had to back out unexpectedly and child care was a little issue for me. I have this date planned in March and am sending an e-mail to my girlfriends to determine our exact date.
~~Start a scrapbook for Madeleine~~
Start a scrapbook for Peanut-Since I started one for Mads, and the books will be the same for the first few pages, I essentially did one for Gracen too.
Drink at least 64 oz of water a day
~~Organize a summer book club~~
~~Have a scrapbook night with my mom~~
~~Have a fabulous 30^th birthday~~

30 Before 30: # 23 Have Another Baby

2010-12-06T19:28:00.000-08:00

I must say, this is a sizable task to mark off my 30 Before 30 list, but what a joy to finally have our baby here! In the interest of time (which is scarce these days) I will post mostly pictures and try to keep the birth story short. You can read about Madeleine's birth here, but I was very nervous that Gracen's labor would be like Mads'. So when I went into "true" (read: working) labor on November 12th around 6pm, I didn't get too excited. We did call our moms to let them know, because they were going to be at the delivery and Madeleine would need child care from my aunt and cousin. At around 6pm, we were feeding Mads and getting her ready for bed. I had to stop and sway and rotate my hips to work through contractions, which were about 7 minutes apart. Tim and I sat down to eat and watch a movie, but I couldn't really concentrate on the movie and I didn't really want to eat. I was very nervous when labor slowed around 10pm, right as we went to bed. I was nervous that we would labor all night and still not deliver for a few days. Even though I was able to sleep, I could feel a persistent achiness and dull fire in the entire top of my thighs. It felt like really bad menstrual crampiness, it was a time of rest, but not truly restful. Around 2am, I started having working contractions again. I could not sleep and was starting to get restless. I labored all morning with contractions getting closer to 5 minutes around 8am. At that time, we called my mom to come over and take care of Mads, helping to feed her and play with her. I was starting to become a concern for her, so we wanted my mom there to take her to Nani's house in case she was scared. At this point I was "singing" through every contraction. It was more like a long "ooooooooooooooooooooooohhh oooooooooooh" and Madeleine kept inquiring "Mama?" "Mama?" from the other room. Tim told her I was singing and she would come in periodically to point at my birth ball, saying "ball". I would tell her I loved her and my mom read to her and played in the play room since I really didn't want her with me during transition. Tim was, of course, my perfect labor partner and always by my side. He helped keep me hydrated and timed my contractions and made sure we were all packed and ready to go. He didn't want us to get to the hospital too soon, but he also didn't want to deliver on the side of the 15 South; he timed our departure perfectly. I was alternatively sitting on my birth ball rotating my hips and standing up with my arms on the dresser rotating. I think I got the idea to rock and roll my hips from a belly dancing woman who said she danced right through her labor. I was very tired right before we left, so I laid down to rest on the bed, but my contractions slowed, so I got back up on my birth ball. This time, I noticed that I found stronger "rituals" to help me through labor. (BTW- the best book on delivery we have read is Penny Simkin's The Birth Partner, she talks about rituals). One thing I did with Gracen was to moan through the contraction. Somewhat embarrassing and, I am sure, annoying for those hearing, but it helped me. I also started briskly rubbing my hand on something as I worked through a contraction. When I laid down, it was my pillow; in the car ride, it was my knee; in the hospital, it was the bed. I used the fingers of my bladed hand to create a warm friction as I rubbed quickly and it seemed to help me focus through the contraction. Something about the vigorous movement helped me as contractions got intense.

Here we are, working through labor around 9am; I am on my birth ball =)

I'm not going to lie, the car ride was horrible. I was into transition and was also experiencing carpolpedal spasms in my hands and face. I could not relax my hands and they were in this frankensteinesque position, nor could I relax my face, so it was in a permanent "O" shape. The car ride down was the fastest one I have ever had with Tim. He is a very good driver, very conscience of everything and extra safe. I was never scared, but I'm very glad he has code 3 driving practice. Right around Gopher Canyon Rd. I told him I thought I needed to push and we started going even faster. What I noticed during these intense transitional contractions was if I pushed, just a little- more like just flexed my abdominal muscles, it actually helped take an edge off the intensity. I know you're not supposed to push until you're at 10cm, but these small "pressures" that I elicited on the uterus really helped me work through the contractions; they were now 3 minutes apart. Thanks to Tim's connections at Palomar, we were greeted by a sweet tech who wheeled me in a wheelchair into L&D. I don't remember too much of that ride! Once we got to our room, there were like 5 nurses who made me sign paperwork and stripped me down, threw a hospital gown on me and checked my cervix. I was so happy when they said I was at 8 cm. I was still nervous that we would get down there and I would be at 5- just knowing the worst was still to come! But no, I was an 8 and that was a relief. Because I was so far along, they didn't draw blood, nor did they force an IV. Although they didn't look at our birth plan until after delivery, I did have to suffer through a fetal heart monitor for a while. At least I could stand up and be mobile, and I was concentrating too much to worry about it. By the time we were all checked in and it was just Tim and me in the room, it was about 10am. I wanted to walk around a little bit and dance with Tim. Contractions slowed again and I became nervous that labor would stop. Thankfully, I remembered that sometimes, after transition, the good Lord gives us women a "rest period" before the pushing phase. I just enjoyed being able to sway with my husband, there were a few contractions until about 10:40ish. There was still an enormous amount of pressure and as we were dancing, I told Tim that I felt like I needed to push, which I did and my water broke all over our feet. It was surprising and felt wonderful for me (not so much for Tim). At that point in time, I NEEDED to lay down. Contractions were now coming fast and the doctor came in about 5 minutes. He checked me and said to push when I was ready. I liked the doctor because he helped me deliver. With my midwife, it was all on me, but Dr. Chavez helped me to let the contraction build and then bear down. With my midwife, I didn't know what to do and didn't really get a lot of input. Dr. Chavez also really helped make an opening for Gracen in stretching me out while I pushed, I just felt like things were going really well. I kinda lost it at the end, I had been very kind and thanking all the nurses and techs even though I was deep into labor, but right at the delivery, I was unable to keep it together. At this point, Tim's mom was over my right shoulder,Tim was right at my right ear, a nurse was to his right, the doctor was in front of me, another nurse was to the left, and my mom was at my left side. Everyone was really encouraging me and saying "push" and "you're almost there" and I felt frustrated because I was trying my best to push. I also felt like people were yelling at me and I was starting to feel overwhelmed, so when everyone was urging me, I just shouted "STOP IT!!!" after the second push. Tim knew what was happening and started whispering in my ear. During the third push, I blacked out for a second. I opened my eyes and heard everyone urging me to push again and I looked up and said "I just disappeared, I went somewhere" I was out for like a half second, but I felt like I could have been gone a half hour. I awoke to find I wasn't doing anything effective anymore, so I waited for the fourth push and as the doctor said "Go, go, the baby's crowning, it's crowning" I pushed with all my strength and delivered Gracen.

Here you can see my facial spasm posture as Tim helps me through a contraction:

Our beautiful family photo, we have almost the exact one of Madeleine too, complete with tearful Dada.

I know this may sound bizarre, but it's true: when they gave me Gracen, I really didn't mind getting all smeared up with blood. I had blood all over my face from her head and although it may be visceral, I kinda liked the warmth of it as I held my newborn child. I didn't want anyone else to touch her, even though she was a little blue and needed to be rubbed. Once I saw that she wasn't as pink and crying as she should be, I started to rub her and get her skin-to-skin as quickly as possible. I also breastfed her within the first 15 minutes or so, after getting stitched up (probably the worst part of it all). Thankfully, Tim detoured the nurse from giving me a shot of pitocin after delivery. I guess they do it to help the uterus contract? Sheesh, so many interventions to dodge at the hospital...Tim really helped keep the birth natural by insisting our birth plan be followed for post-delivery, driving me down to deliver just in time and encouraging me in our desire for natural delivery. It's hard for me, but sometimes harder for him to watch me, feeling somewhat helpless as his wife is in pain. The fact that he stays strong and sober-minded even through the intensity of delivery attests to his love for me, wanting to be a rock upon which I can break.

Tim helps give Grace her first bath and clothes her:

our newest princess: Gracen November

born November 13th at 11:05am weighing 8lbs. 11oz and measuring 21 in.

We chose Grace a long time ago. Madeleine was almost a Grace. But I wanted a formalized name, a two-syllable name. We already had a Madeleine, so Gracelyn was out. Graceland was just a little too honkey-tonk and I couldn't get behind Graciela. I don't know how I thought of it, but I just added an 'n' to Grace. I then googled the name and it came up as the style name for a J. Crew bridesmaid dress. I figured it was, therefore, obscure enough to be fashionable, but classic enough to match her sister's old-fashioned name as well. We call her Gracen, Grace or Gracie depending on our preference.

Big sister Madeleine has handled the adaptation beautifully. She loves "ba-ba" and shares her stuffed animals. She is gentle and tender with her pats and kisses. I don't know why I worried, for she has the sweetest little heart and loveliest disposition.

A family of four!

sweet baby, who looks a lot like her sister's baby pictures:

MJ shares "Soulja" monkey with baby Grace:

ooey-gooey goodness:

the love of my life and our baby:

Tim found this shirt at a thrift store as a high-schooler; it reads "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy"- so true =)

We are blessed beyond measure, and I really have to praise God for our healthy baby. She is awesome. We are very happy with the gift God gave us in precious little Grace.

Love, Lauren

Denver, CO

2010-11-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

Since we spent the first two weeks of September on the road, I figured I would just finish up the roadtrip post, throw in a few photos from the end of September and call it good. Getting back to our roadtrip...we left Arches National Park and headed toward the Starr home in Denver.

Madeleine reads while we drive.

Traveling with a child is WAY different than just the two of us roadtrippin'. So, we found some nice rest areas to let Madeleine run around a little bit. Doing this post in December, it seems crazy to me that I was still two months away from delivering Gracen. Here she is, with us on our trip!

We traveled some beautiful country. My favorite were the San Rafael Reefs in Utah- of course, the red rocks is my fav, but Tim prefers the mountains with their greenery.

We stopped at Independence Pass to let Madeleine walk around a little bit. It was cold, but we got some great views.

We picked up a Real Estate guide after falling in love with a lovely little town called Frisco, CO. I"m pretty sure, a long time ago, I had seen it featured in Runner's World and I always wanted to see what it looked like. When we stopped by as a side-trip we were pretty much ready to move there. Too bad the neighboring cities are Vail and Breckenridge. Frisco is just a little bit out of our price range!

Our last rest stop before reaching Denver!

Here is Madeleine in the Starr basement. She liked playing with the toys down there. When we got into Denver, we grabbed some pizza to share with the Starrs and headed to their house.
The Starrs also have some lovely chickens, and we got to see some home-grown eggs. Tim shows Mads the chickens. The Starr kids would pick them up for us to see, and they are very pretty. I like the black and white ones, I can't remember their names right now. One is Pat Benetar right Rose?

We went to a park with the Starrs and I love this perspective shot of Madeleine. Emma is swinging in the background.

Even though the weather was not cold enough (even in Denver, which was hotter than I expected) I indulged in my first soy pumpkin spice latte of the season. My favorite drink from the 'Bucks.

Tim mustered up the courage to wrangle a chicken for Madeleine to touch. You can see Todd Jr. in the background on the coop.

After a visit to Fancy Tiger fabrics (which carry Amy Butler designs) we went to Sweet Action Ice Cream, a delicious boutique ice cream parlor downtown. You can see all the flavors they offer on the fridge to the left of me and Rose. Since it was the Great American Beer Festival in Denver the week we were there, the parlor was offering some crazy yummy flavors that featured beer. They make all sorts of interesting concotions.

Tim and his girls toured the Denver Library. Here Tim snuggles the table at which the UN council met when clinton was president. I can't remember what the guy's name was, but Tim is getting back to his roots by carressing the French Prime Minister's seat.

Checking out the view. Wow, Madeleine looks so young in this pic- she's growing up too fast!

Outside a Denver Art Museum

Even though Madeleine did a fairly good job on our trip, we decided in Hot Springs to fly her and me back home. Tim would then drive the way back to Utah, pick up our boat and head home. This was due to the fact that our daughter was starting to show signs of road wear. She was cranky, not napping well and we didn't really want to sit in the car for another 48 hours trying to get her home. So, we said good-bye to the Starrs for all their hospitality and headed home. My parents picked me and Mads up in San Diego at 9am and we waited for Tim to arrive around 2am that night.

He stopped by Frisco again on the way home =)

Thank you Starrs, for sharing your home and some more of Denver with us. We always enjoy hanging out with you, and hope you can meet little Gracen sooner than later.

Love, Lauren

30 Before 30: # 20 Buy Awesome Maternity Jeans

2010-11-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

Knowing that I would be pregnant in November, I wanted to invest in at least one pair of nice fitting maternity jeans for Peanut and future pregnancies. Tim took me to Motherhood Maternity where I quickly (we had Madeleine) browsed for jeans. I also quickly found out that I have no desire to spend over $30 on jeans. I didn't even look at the Pea in the Pod selection they featured. For me, it's all about functionality and price. I ended up buying a pair, but couldn't even stand them for one day. I like the secret belly fit type with the Lycra panel that lifts over your bump, but unfortunately, the jean material is too heavy to stay up without the help of a stronger panel. All day I was trying to pull the jeans up into my hip area and feeling like I was losing a losing battle anyways. So, Tim took me back and I quickly (we had Madeleine) browsed for a new pair. I decided on a black pair of corduroy pants. They were less expensive, and the lightness of the corduroy in combination with the color created a flattering and versatile look. They aren't quite as easy to match as jeans (I find that I can only wear black shoes) but they work. Now I can check #20 "Buy Awesome Maternity ~~Jeans~~ Pants" off my list =)

The jeans I took back (36 weeks):

The pants I kept (39 weeks):

Love, Lauren

30 Before 30: # 13 Spend a Night Away with Tim

2010-11-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

Tim and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary a month early this year. With our impending birth, we decided to not risk missing out on a night away together because once Peanut is out, it will be quite a while until we can leave her overnight. We left early on a Tuesday in October and headed down to my 38 week appointment in San Marcos. Tim was able to hear Peanut's heartbeat again and we had a chance to discuss and finalize our birthplan with our doctor. Then, it was on to San Diego! We planned NOTHING! Tim did have some possible plans in case we felt up to doing anything, but for all you parents out there, you know what I mean when I say that what we wanted the most was to sleep in and do nothing. Or, maybe we are just boring =) Regardless, Tim took me to this Mexican place famous for its connection to Nacho Libre-esque wrestling called Lucho Libre. The ambiance was very fun and festive, the food was ok. It was a novelty type eatery and we enjoyed pondering how one can sit at the gold-plated "Champions" table. We decided to try and get an early check-in at our hotel: Andaz. Originally, we had booked at the Omni, but we decided to try and save a few bucks and be spontaneous by using Priceline. We chose our desired neighborhood (Gaslamp- we were all over the map the previous weeks checking out everything from Downtown highrise to Coronado condos to La Jolla motels to a resort on Shelter Island) and our desired hotel level (4 star) and we let our price do the picking. We ended up at a Hilton called Andaz. Tim was concerned because he really tries to make everything perfect for me, and the one thing I told him I wanted was quiet and relaxing. So, when we found out that this hotel was very famous for being a club first, then a hotel, he started to worry. He checked out the site and found that the rooftop pool boasts some 800 socialites looking for action on the weekends. So, we were interested to see what it would be like on a Tuesday night. We were able to get an early check-in and were very impressed with the modern decor. This boutique hotel also had two pimped-out Escalades that would taxi you anywhere within a 2 mile radius, we were enjoying the luxurious catering. The concierge, Phil, upgraded our room to a junior suite and it was awesome! But, like most of the reviews told us, this hotel is not kid-friendly! (picture of our room). We got into our room and took a nap! Yup, we napped for about two hours before laying in bed and reading.

We went to dinner at 'de Medici, the restaurant we went to on our 1st date. I had saffron risotto with lobster! Oh my goodness, it was amazing. Tim had ravioli, and it was delectable.

We re-visited the rooftop pool and the huge rock fire pit. We went to bed around 9:30! I know, we are so lame, right!? Then, we slept in until a blissful 9am!! We grabbed a Jamba Juice for breakfast and checked out at 12. We had the Escalade take us to the harbor where we boarded the ferry to Coronado. We enjoyed a stroll on the island and some lunch and by then, it was time to come home. It was wonderful! We thoroughly enjoyed joking, snuggling and just loving the other person with no pressures or agenda or discussions pressing. We grabbed coffee on our 22 block walk back to our car (we kinda missed the ferry to the convention center and had to disembark farther upshore) and chatted on the ride back home about nothing and everything. It was perfect and relaxing, just like we wanted.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life

Love, Lauren

30 Before 30: # 28 Organize a Summer Book Club

2010-10-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

Good thing I said that I only needed to organize a summer book club, because it was disasterous! I started the SBC in July with the book Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. The impetus behind the club was to help me stay accountable for reading over the summer. I had found that my ravenous reading had dwindled to meager snippets here and there with the pressures of being a SAHM and no real involvement in academia per se. I don't usually read multiple books by a single author, but I have coincidentally found that every book (ok, everybook but one) I have read from the Salinas native has been a real enjoyment. I love his style and authenticity. I love his grit and compassion. I love his insight into the human character and the unassuming way he goes about presenting it. I've only read 5 of his books, but that is more than any other author for me. Anyways, I chose Grapes of Wrath for June and invited people through Facebook and some word of mouth. At the time of the invite, I had not decided on a book, but I later messaged people to tell them it was to be GOW. Only two people replied that they were coming, but as I messaged them to confirm, neither knew that I had actually chosen a book. I don't know how it happened, but through some communication error, June's book club only had two people saying that they would come, but unaware of the reading.

I made a stronger attempt in July to make sure people knew when we were meeting and what we were reading. However, I boggled this month's club too. I chose Dave Egger's A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I memoir of sorts, I chose it because it was talked about highly in some circles I used to frequent and he had won a Pulitzer for a different work, and I had bought it years ago and it was just sitting on my bookshelf. I sent out the invite and started reading. That's when I realized that although I cannot expect pagan authors to keep their works clean, that I was unwilling to ask my friends to read this book which was stuffed full of vulgar language. It wasn't just an exclamatory here or there, it was superfluous and gratuitous vulgar language. So, I had to change the book; the problem was that some people had already replied they were going to come based on the book choice! I chose The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs instead. This book is about an atheist Jew who chooses to try and live out the Bible literally. He doesn't cut his hair, blows a horn every morning and stones adulterers. It was amusing and insightful, but I would have liked to discuss his shortcomings in regards to the new testament. I chose this book because my mom and Tim had already read it. I think I was hoping to at least host someone! Some people said they would come, but changed plans at the last minute and I was left alone on another book club.

For August, I took a request from Becky Lawlor and we read Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. It was a good book and a totally engaging read. However, I changed the meeting date on everyone because of some scheduling conflict and successfully bumped anyone who was planning on coming from actually coming. In the end, I was glad to be done with my bungled book club because it was a little stressful for me to choose the books, wonder who would come and then prepare to entertain. I am so enjoying being part of a book club, but not organizing it anymore. Oh well, I did it! And, it's one more thing off my list =)

Love, Lauren

Crazy Baby Boom

2010-10-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

I know it has to be the age I am at, but I just had to post on how amazingly explosive the baby-making is getting around here. Here is a list from fabulous friends to slight acquaintances who have recently delivered or announced a pregnancy:

Sarah M. (delivered August 8)

Coley D. (delivered September 15)

Patricia M (delivered September 11)

Julie B. (delivered October)

Meredith L. (delivered October 15)

Allison (due October 25)

Me (due November 4)

Joey S. (due November 5)

Christina K. (due November 23)

Rachael S. (due November 25)

Mary M. (due November 28)

Joyy L. (due December)

Renee W. (due January 2011)

Katrina L. (due March 2011)

Alison B. (due April 2011)

Kari M. (due April 2011)

Regina (due APril 2011)

Lauren D. (due April 2011)

Erin T. (due June 2011)

Jenny G.(due June 2011)

Elizabeth M. (due June 2011)

Korina A.

Courtney C.

Nicole S.

I wonder who else will be added to this list...

Love, Lauren

30 Before 30: # 7 Go to a National Park

2010-10-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

When I wrote the 30 Before 30 List, I was pretty sure that a few things wouldn't really get done, and I was totally fine with that. It was mostly a goal list and, as I'm finding out, a good way to figure out what I think I enjoy doing and what I actually enjoy doing. It's also revealing in the sense that my life has changed so much, but I am still transitioning into that change. For instance, have a fun karaoke night with friends probably won't happen for a few reasons. One, I really don't have that many friends who I would actually invite to a sing-along fest, and even if I did, we all have kids, so hitting a pizza joint and staying up singing "Eye of the Tiger" until midnight doesn't even really sound like a super-blast. I guess I'm moving from thinking in terms of "single/married fun" to "family fun". Not that anything I did was uber-un-family, it's just that you don't take your 16 month old out to the Round Bar at 11pm and sleep in until 9 the next morning.

Anyways, all that to say, when I wrote the list, I wasn't quite sure how we were going to get to a National Park. The closest one is probably Joshua Tree, but we didn't have any realistic plans to head out to that area, let alone in September heat. So, when Tim suggested we extend our Lake Powell trip another week and tour the southwest again, I knew there were quite a few places we could go to complete this item. We were pretty ambitious in our planning, at first, but we did temper the trip and ended up choosing Arches National Park. Not only did this complete a 30B30 item, but it's actually been my #1 desired NP destination for about 6 years now. There is nothing more glorious to me than red rocks. I don't know what it is, I think it's the influence of hot summers driving in an old Suburban, with the windows down, out through the Mohave toward red rock county for endless family vacations. It's the folding levels of Lake Powell's shores that slip into sparkling blue water. It's the spiring pinnacles of stacked sun-burnt rock in Valley of Fire SP. I don't know what it is, but I just love this landscape. Pretty much everyone is familiar with the ubiquitous Delicate Arch, but I was very excited to seeLandscape Arch too. Of course, the largest natural arch is actually at Lake Powell: Rainbow Bridge.

So, we stored our boat and stayed in St. George on Saturday and headed out for Arches NP the next day. We drove into the park and took our obligatory family park sign picture.

We then stopped by the park headquarters to see some of the exhibits and get oriented with the park. We also grabbed a map and took a few pictures of Madeleine. Unfortunately, we didn't get a picture of the huge bronze Borregos outside, they were much too hot in the sun. We did manage to snag this picture of an awesome Sportmobile. We're thinking when we hit 5 or more kids, this might be the way to go. We're saving now though, since a sup-ed up one can round out to $80,000! Or we'll just buy a horse and wagon =)
Outside the NP HQ, Dada creates Madeleine into an arch:
The sun was already on its way down, so we just did a quick drive tour. I used to bemoan the fact that so many of our national Parks are road accessible (Bryce Canyon comes to mind) and that you could really tour many of them from the luxury of your vehicle and never get out, but now I don't know if I want to moan about it anymore. When you have a toddler, are pregnant, or are elderly, I could see why accessibility is really for all people. Arches is a relatively small park, so we were able to see many of the prominent pinnacles, arches and windows from the car. We did get out to do a little one-mile hike to North and South window and Turret Arch.

South Window @ 33 weeks:

North and South windows:

After our little hike, we were debating trying to get out to see Delicate Arch. It is supposed to be amazing at sunset, especially for pictures. However, a 5 mile for our family wasn't really in the future and we decided to just go to the lookout. We saw lots of people lining the trail out to the arch. Delicate Arch

We again miscalculated the time and our timing and pushed Madeleine a little far. We had to search for a long time for a campsite and had forgotten that when we were packing we did not have an propane for our stove. At home it was a simple, "We'll get it on the road". But since we needed it now, it became a drive to Moab and a late dinner for baby. She slept fine in the tent with me until I tired to cover her with a blanket around 5am. We were up and trying to get food down and get out of there for Madeleine was trying to wake everyone in the site with crying. It's quite a different experience camping with children. Yes, it was difficult, but she had already been on the road for two days after a week on the houseboat. I think we set some rather large expectations for her, and she really was amazing. After a nap on the drive into the park, she seemed a little more adjusted, but still was not interested in sitting in the KidPack for too long. We planned to go out to Navajo Arch but cut our trip short. I was very tired too, so Tim and I took turns heading out to see Landscape Arch.

Landscape Arch:

The scenery was breathtaking and I was glad to see Arches NP. We decided to head on toward Denver and try and give Madeleine a little rest from everything. Thanks to my wonderful husband for making it happen, and for understanding when Mama and babies needed to quit looking at rocks and lay down =)

Love, Lauren

Lake Powell Sept. 4-12

2010-10-08T20:15:00.001-07:00

Once we got Sima on the road to recovery, we set out on Sunday to make the 14 hr. trek to Page, AZ.

Little miss with her "Baa" and "Lamby":

14 hrs, 3 tanks of gas, a hotel stay from hell, a boat that wouldn't start for 2 hours and two tired parents later, we were boating our way up to the San Juan Arm of Lake Powell. Once we were there, we let Nani and Popi take over some Madeleine duties and tried to rest and relax.

Popi, MJ and Nani go for a stroll:

We were able to get some rest and enjoyed the cool temps and lovely water along with the others on the houseboat. You can see our yellow sea-doo and orange Malibu. Isn't the water gorgeous? If I had to pick my favorite landscape, it would be red rock and turquoise water. The entire Lake Powell, Havasupai reservation, Lake Mead, Virigin River Gorge, Grand Canyon, San Rafael Cliffs area is superb.

We left Madeleine for a nap while Tim, Jared, Katie and I went to Dangling Rope Marina (about 45 minutes away). While on the way, Jared had brought a drink and he was having a hard time drinking it considering the ride was a little bumpy. So, I took a picture of him trying to drink it because it reminded me of the time when we were about 8 and 7 years old and our parents bought us ice cream cones. But, as we were leaving the London Bridge area, we hit a lot of chop in the boat. Our ice cream cones were dripping from 104+ degree heat and every time we went in for a bite they would end up all over our faces. I can't remember which of us ended up crying (maybe it was Alex) but I think we had to throw our cones over the side. Now that I think about it, I have no idea why we didn't just stay at the bridge and enjoy our treat...but, oh well. It made for a childhood laugh for Jared and me as I snapped this pic.

Madeleine helps her dada drive the boat back to Wahweap Marina:

Our funny family:

Mama & baby Madeleine enjoy the beach around the corner- room to walk about and shallow pool for baby to explore:

Dada & his baby girl on an early morning (letting Mama sleep in!)

Look at those beautiful loves!

Again...Lauren is a lucky girl!

Love, Lauren

Peanut Update #4

2010-10-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

30 weeks:

32 weeks:

33 weeks:

36 weeks:

Well, we are down to it folks. I reached the last sub-goal before D-day: 36 weeks. I am now 9 months pregnant, 25 lbs. heavier and very much ready to meet my next sweet baby. Praise the Lord that all those righteous women out there praying for me brought about a miracle for my sciatic nerve issue. I would be upright one minute and rolling on the ground in stultifying pain the next- for no apparent reason. Exercise, no exercise, standing, sitting, holding Madeleine, not holding Madeleine- it didn't seem to matter, but my right leg would seize in pain, and I would be frozen. Thankfully, it is gone! On Sept 27th, my doctor did a little ultrasound to check Peanut's position. I was afraid she was transverse because I kept feeling kicks around my right rib and my left hip bone. She said that the baby is already head-down and left-anterior (LOA!) which is a VERY good thing! Yeah, my fears of a breech delivery are subsided. I feel very , very tired. For some reason, I don't remember having so much energy leave my body with Madeleine, but maybe my golden hindsight is clouding my memory. I would sleep all day if I could! I try every chance I get to squeeze in a rest session with my little toddler. However, every time I lay down, little miss Peanut goes at it trying to make a portal hole or two out into the world. This baby is still super active and now I can feel her hiccuping through the night as she practices her breathing. Ballerina, gymnast, boxer or tornado...not quite sure, but she is active!

Last pregnancy, I just so happened to guess Madeleine's delivery date. It wasn't magic, I just used two influences: Dr. Bradley writes that a woman's gestation is actually 41 weeks and 1 day. I also read that Tuesday holds the highest delivery rate of any day. So, I took my due date of May 25th and added a week and a day. It just so happened that June 2 was a Tuesday. So, even though I am 99% positive when we conceived, and the LMP creates a due date of November 7...I'm going to go slightly hopeful and use the ultrasound dating to guess at Peanut. Ultrasound dating gave me a EDD of November 4. I am adding a week and a day and circling November 12 in red. That means I'll probably be in labor on our 3 year anniversary. What a wonderful time to show all the fruition of our love to my amazing husband =)

Now for a rant:

I was willing to let a few comments slide, but it's starting to bug me, so I will state my peace here and be done. In the last week, I have had 3 random acquaintances say something to the affect of, "So, you guys gonna go for the boy?" or "Once you get that boy, you'll be done, right?" or "Are you sure it's a girl? Hello, little BOY! (as they rub my belly)."

WHAT IN THE WORLD? It's starting to tick me off because I love my little girl, and when people ask about our desire for a boy, it feels like they've slighted my girl just because that is how God made her. Plus, when did having a boy become the end-all? It makes me upset to hear how people think that our family isn't complete unless we have it constructed with certain genders. What a blessing to have both boys and girls, but what are people thinking? Okay, I understand that it's just an ignorant comment that some people say to make small-talk, but seriously, can you think about what you are saying? Like our desire for all things in our lives- finances, health, decisions, family rituals, our marriage- we have put our children into the hands of God. He will build this house with whomever He desires, and He desired for us to have two girls first. If we should be blessed enough to have more children, then He will determine how many and when and of what gender. So stop telling me that the boy will come, as though the child I have is only a consolation prize. ugh. But, I guess with all this said, we better have a girl- :D

In other news, we finished our birth plan and Tim took it up to the nurses for them to edit. UPDATE: I actually wrote this post a while ago, so please continue to pray for sciatic nerve relief, it was great for a week, but some godly woman or women stopped praying, and I am back in pain. So pray!! You can pray that God blesses our labor and birth, that we get supportive nurses and a doctor who are willing to follow our plan. Pray that we use wisdom in getting down to the hospital, too soon and we could end up being pushed to deliver in the hospital's time, too late and we might just be pulling over on Mission Rd. =). Pray that Peanut delivers well, with no hang-ups (cervical lip, pubic bone, etc.). Pray that I can retain my mental focus during labor and witness to the staff with my behavior/attitude especially towards Tim.

Love, Lauren

Madeleine's fourteenth month: August

2010-10-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Pretty much the day before she turned 14 months, Madeleine started walking. I was excited that she achieved this milestone development, but mostly because I was 6 months pregnant already and getting tired of carrying her around all the time. She's a fairly solid girl, weighing in at 25 lbs and 30 inches at her 12 month visit. Since we haven't taken her to the doctor, other than a newborn visit, a 6 month and a 12month check-up, we're not quite sure how big she is, but hefting a 24-27 lb. toddler with a bulging belly was getting old fast. She also took on a very distinct "little-girl" look. No longer was she a little slug of a baby. As her walking improved and her summer tan got darker, she looked suddenly older. I was stunned to be looking at a honest-to-goodness toddler. She took to reading and playing by herself, she started using her signs in a definite manner, and she started acquiring new words. Her hair was even long enough to put into pigtails, and this change made her look even more grown up. In the words of Tim, "I like it, but I don't".

Here's the first day we put her hair in two pigtails, she wouldn't really sit still, but you can see how cute she looks:

I decided to mark off a 30 before 30 item and take Madeleine to the Wild Animal Park. So my mom and I loaded into the car one day and headed off. Now, I knew that the WAP was in Escondido somewhere, and I even saw the signs near Via Rancho Parkway, but I was confused because when I searched for WAP on my Driod phone, it routed us down the 63. I was even more befuddled by the comment that Tim had made when we first got our passes. We were driing home from the zoo and I was talking about how great it was going to be to jet down to the WAP every now and again while he was working and spend some time there, then see him on the way home. He replied with some discussion and the mention that even once I get to Escondido, the WAP is still kinda far from his station. With that comment in my mind, I figured that the sign saying "WAP next exit" was wrong and that we should continue on via the gps in my phone. It wasn't until we got to the Zoo that I realized my phone had routed us to the fundraising headquarters for the WAP, which just so happens to be the SD Zoo. So, we went to the Zoo again. Yes, I do dumb things like this often.

Giraffes at the zoo:

Oh yeah, and I changed my list to say "Take Madeleine to the zoo" instead of WAP. =)

My mom, aunt Sally, Madeleine and I traveled back down to Escondido area to visit my Aunt Pat and her family who were visiting from Utah for the summer. Madeleine liked visiting with Aunt Pat and it was nice to get to see my cousin's family too.
On August 28th, I dropped Madeleine off at her Grammi Cindy's house for the night and went to the Stark/Riser wedding out in wine country. I have known Daniel since he was about 2 years old, or something, so it was wonderful to see him married. The venue was very nice, intimate and thankfully the weather cooled down about 20 degrees to a cool 74 or so. What a blessing for the couple (and for their guests). Tim was working, so I went with my family and it was fun to be there with my brothers, even if they had to leave early, skipping out on the dancing.

Here is the ~30 weeks (7 months)pic:

The lovely bride and groom with their attendants:

Congrats Amanda and Daniel!:

Finally, we were just about ready to leave for our September roadtrip when another seeming disaster struck our household. It was our plan to vacation on Lake Powell for a week, then take a little roadtrip to Denver, visiting some sites on the way. We had our boat packed for boating, our truck packed for camping and our suitcase packed for Denver city-life. The last thing to do before leaving around 4am was to eat dinner, get to bed early and make sure the dogs got out one last time before we left them for two weeks with the house-sitters. I went to the store for a few last-minute items and Tim took Mads and the dogs out to the meadow that sits behind Callaway vineyard, with access from Butterfield Stage Road. As I drove into the driveway, I noticed Tim had Sima on the back of the truckbed. I sensed something was going on, so I got out of the car and asked him what was up. He told me that Sima was running back to the truck to load up, when all of a sudden Tim heard her yelp and just lay down at the top of the hill. He had to carry her back to the truck and bring her home. He was palpating her leg for sprain or strain and I did the same. He told me that when he had taken his hand away, he had a tiny bit of blood on it. He tried to get her down, and eventually carried her onto the grass. I watched her panting, but in a weird way. It wasn't just the "tired" pant wiht bright eyes and sagging tongue. This was a mouth-barely-cracked pant with eyes that were starting to glaze over. I suggested that she must have been bit by a snake and Tim noticed her swelling leg. So, at 6pm the day before our much-hyped vacation was set to start, we took Sima to the vet. About 4 hours and a lot of money later, we had a dog who was drugged and possibly dying. Even if you administer an anti-venom, there is no guarantee that it will work. We decided to stay home and nurse her for three days hoping to see some marked improvement before we would go. We laid out a carpet and bed for her in the playroom. We also pushed fluids on our own (instead of having her stay at the vet and have them do it) which saved us quite a but more in boarding & observation fees. Tim was able to use some expired bags of saline that my brother had to start an IV on her and really try and get the hemotoxins out of her system. After some marked improvements (including self-mobility, peeing, eating and drinking) we decided that we should either go or plan on canceling our trip. We left the dogs in the loving and caring hands of our house-sitters and left fairly sure that she wouldn't suddenly digress into a dire state.

Sima is prepped for her IV; notice the back left paw which is swollen, shaved and red from necrotic tissue:

Having a paramedic around is awfully nice when your playroom needs to become a doggie hospital:

Thankfully, she survived. Whether it was the anti-venom, the placement of the bite or the continuous flush of fluids, God saw fit to allow her to live in our family for a while longer.

Love, Lauren