I've had 2-3 vivid dreams delivering a girl. I would be so happy to have another little lady in the house. Girls are awesome! And, they're what I know. Also, our girls name list is SO much longer. I have one name in particular that I am about settled on, of course, this is if it was me alone. Tim and I might be in for some longer discussions regarding names for baby #3. With Madeleine, we made our list and started getting aggressive in eliminating names around month 6. Not even sure how we came across it, but we went back a few times between Grace and Madeleine, decided on Madeleine and then started fishing for an unusual biblical middle name. Because we eliminated Grace, it made it super easy to name Gracen when she came along. I simply suggested a two-syllable name for "formality", googled "Gracen" to be sure we were in the clear (biggest hit was for a lovely dress at J. Crew named the same) and just sorta tried out middle names. Usually it has been me suggesting with Tim responding as we both work out the name. This time, I'm not sure what's going to go down. I am sure whatever we decide, we'll love it! Of course, boys names are SO much more difficult. There really hasn't been any one name that I've heard or read or searched that has struck me. So, for those of you who have boys name lists and you actually share (unlike me) then leave a comment with your suggestions. The only parameter at this point is a little gray...if we go with another 'n' ending. So far it's, Tim, LaureN, MadeleiNe, GraceN and...I don't know if we want to get stuck in a pattern of any sort. Now I'm getting excited thinking about what will be suggested :)
So far, I'm sleeping fine, only gained about 3 lbs and am loving this growing belly. Even now little bean is kicking at me and it's nice. It's nice now that the little one is only 5 ounces. When Bean gets to be 8 lbs. 5 oz...it's a different sensation altogether. There have been some different symptoms, the freezing cold for the first 3 months (yes, I am hot now...bless those of you due in Sept/Oct), a stretch of deep blue veins is showing up over the side of my abdomen and chest which I never noticed before; they even stretch to my shoulders. Frequent headaches--which I attribute to my lack of water which I'm finding tough to get down with the pressing demands of two other little ones (second food on that one). And I'm still exhausted...more than I think I should be. But, I am so grateful that God looked upon my weak soul and blessed me. No throwing up, no debilitating conditions, no pre-term labor, no Braxton-Hicks...I am grateful and humbled at my body's ability to co-create a life. A tiny little human I can hold and have to love. For some reason, I can carry to term and deliver them and I praise God for that. There will come a time when I won't be able to sustain a life. I'm grateful for this time- this season of fertility: it's like the joy of fruit ripening on the vine through a honey drenched summer.
And with that beautiful thought, a confession. I'm getting a little concerned...I think it struck me when I was at Walmart three days ago, along with everyone else in need of school supplies. I had already shopped and gotten in line when Mads told me she had to go. G was not interested in coming with us. So, I picked her up football style, moved my cart out of the stretching line and took Mads to the restroom. Cynthia Bonner called out to me a friendly hello, but I wasn't really able to say hello with a kicking, fussing Gracie and a scurrying Madeleine. We made it to the bathroom where there are no hooks for purses on the doors and Mads goes, then as I'm helping her get down and dressed, Gracie (who has taken to potty training herself this last week) sticks her hand in the toilet. She starts talking to me and pointing her drenched finger to which I try and keep it out of her mouth as we head out the door. Madeleine wants to twirl and stay under my feet in the crowded bathroom while I am trying to get myself, my purse and two girls to the sink, so I can pick each one up in turn and wash their hands. I think it was after G was done and I went to pick up 40 lb Madeleine that my belly bulged in my maternity shorts and I had a panicked, "What in the world am I doing?" go through my head. "I must be crazy" and I pictured all that had occurred with a newborn too. But, I didn't have time to dwell for I needed to return to line, pay for our items rally everyone into the car and get lunch down before hustling them to naptime. I have school dreams for Madeleine and things are getting easier with the girls every day. Now we're going to throw another little slug into the mix in 5 months? What am I thinking? So, the next morning I was up early to spend some time in the word and get some perspective.
I love my girls, and I love this new baby too. Bean will become a part of our family, a person who will shape us in ways we never thought and it will be wonderful. So I dont need to be afraid, or anxious about anything...my God will equip me to do what He has called me to do. And for now, that is just grow a baby. I can do that. Go to sleep tonight at a reasonable hour. I can do that. Drink some water. I can do that. Taking each day one hour (or minute) at a time and fighting for JOY to prevail against concerns.