Rapture:Oh, how do I describe the wonder of this morning!!! After a morning nap, I lifted Madeleine out of the crib with smiles and waves to the animals on her curtain valance, "Hello, Elephant," and a "goodbye Lion" as she waved to them from outside the room. We served a fresh and wonderful second breakfast, she worked on strawberries, avocado, sweet potatoes and cheese as I cleaned the kitchen. I played some worship and we danced around, laughing and enjoying every second of being mother and daughter. I had the entire kitchen cleaned and heated up some leftover lunch for myself. I took some beans and corn, smothered them over soy chorizo and wrapped them with cheese in a huge burrito tortilla. Oh, the delicious yumminess of it was so enjoyable. I savored every bite and continued to nibble here and there as I worked in the kitchen and sang with Mads. A song came on with the lyrics "la la la" and she joined in- she loves singing la la. I swooped her up out of her chair and swung her around laughing and sqeauling. The worship song made me think of heaven and rejoicing before the throne. I buried my face into her neck and she laughed and laughed as I cried a little to the thought that this is how Almighty God feels about His children!! This is what heaven will be like when we'll be dancing in worship to God, being swung around in the innocent, utter joy of being in His arms, tenderly loved and affectionately cared for. It made me cry a little. We pranced down the hallway to her nursery to change her into play clothes and we had more silly fun as I raspberried her tummy and sucked on her bink (pacifier)to her delight. (She never uses it, but likes to see me use it). We were so relishing all this time of tender nothings. I hugged her and kissed her to the playroom where I set her down, my thoughts now turning to my own lunch and enjoying it while playing with her.
Oh, how can I explain all the frustration of this morning. I knew I had placed my burrito on the island, so I was surprised and dismayed when it was gone. I saw Roscoe slinking out of the kitchen and Sima skulking into the playroom. That is when the storm of rage hit me. In that moment, I absolutely hated my dogs. I wanted to take the safety stick we place in the door at night and beat them mercilessly. They had eaten my lunch!! They had stolen from me and my Peanut the satisfaction of a lovely and nourishing lunch. I wanted to kill. I chased them outside and told them they were bad. I locked them outside and looked for a new lunch, but nothing looked as good as I knew the burrito was. I sulked into the playroom with Mads. I heard the most annoying scratch at the door, twice, and I decided to no longer live under the Spirit's control and give into my murderous rage to beat Sima senseless. I stood Mads by her walker shopping cart telling her I would be right back. I picked up the stick as I headed out the door and ran after them telling them to stay away. At this point in time I heard Madeleine screaming from the inside of the house. I ran inside with my heart racing and found her on her tummy, holding onto the shopping cart handle. She had fallen and was not too happy. I picked her up and held her; I was so upset with everything. My glorious day had been turned dour because of those dogs. I was raging on the inside; I reached for my phone to call my mom, I was going to ask her to come get the dogs since I was about the hurt them. It was at that moment that God allowed Tim to call. I picked up the phone with one hand, and in the other held my crying baby. I started crying too. After pouring out my whole heart to him and telling him how horrible this all was because I had prayed to specifically live under the Spirit today and not do anything unless guided by him, etc...here I was struggling to be honoring to God regarding those dogs. It was at this time that I remembered what I wrote to an answer in the CBS Genesis study. There is no "bad" or "good" when you are God's. There is only godly or ungodly responses. Tim helped me to see that if I let the dogs ruin my day that it would be an ungodly response to this situation. God knew the dogs would eat my burrito (okay that makes me laugh too) and God knew Mads would fall and cry. I just didn't know how I would respond to these little trials. I wasn't perfect, but I didn't beat my dogs and I didn't turn my frustration towards Madeleine or Tim.
Joy and Sorrow, all in the span of a half hour. I hope this makes you laugh. And if there was ever a word to the wise I can speak:
IF YOU ARE YOUNG AND MARRIED AND FOR SOME REASON BELIEVE GOD IS TELLING YOU TO POSTPONE CHILDREN (which He probably isn't), BUT GET A DOG...DO NOT. DON'T DO IT. KIDS ARE MUCH EASIER THAN DOGS OR CATS. I HAVE BOTH AND I WISH THAT WE HAD NO ANIMALS. I CANNOT SAY THIS STRONGLY ENOUGH: DO NOT GET A DOG. PRAY AGAIN BECAUSE I BET GOD'S ACTUALLY SAYING TO HAVE CHILDREN.
okay, and if anyone wants two dogs or two cats...call me.