Letter #29/30- Someone You Want to Tell Everything To, But Are Too Scared

Dear Someone I want to tell everyone to, but I am too scared,

If you knew what I had done before you were born, you might not understand. You might not love me anymore. You might be shocked, outraged, horrified, overcome with disbelief. You might use my mistakes justifying your own, or worse, qualifying foolish pursuits. If you knew what grace was offered me, a poor sinner, then you might want to be a sinner for the sake of forgiveness. If you knew what lies I've told, what betrayal I've committed, what lusts I've fostered, what jealousy I've harbored, what malice I've fueled, what pride I've bolstered, you might not want me for your life's guide. You might believe that all the years I'd poured into you with training and exhorting and disciplining and admonishing and encouraging and loving were just a sham to make you a "good kid", one who never said the wrong thing, at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. You might think, "Well, look what she did. Look what she was. What can she offer? What does she know?" and you would be right.

But for the grace of God...

I don't deserve your love; but, you don't deserve mine. We don't deserve anything besides our depravity (- so what joy we realize in loving the other!) Simply, we are all struggling saints. But it is by the struggle that we know Christ's sanctification.

If you can look at my life, little one, and say, "I would never do that..." then I pray that God would reveal the desperation of your heart. But, if I told you all my secrets and you looked into my eyes and said, "I love you, because God first loved me: the number one sinner."* then I will know that I told you EVERYTHING worth knowing.

Love, Mama

* 1 John 4:19 "We love, because He first loved us." (NASB) & 1 Timothy 1:15 "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." (ESV)